You Always Come Back
Office lights,
Shining, on the enlarged pores
I'll never give up trying
Riddance the inflamed sores
Sometimes, I just feel like lying
in a nightmare without the thorns
'Cause you went away
but now you're back
you had so much to say, to me
dont know how I feel about that
cause, you always come back
See, your just a drug, to me
You cause so much misery
All thats red is turning me blue
While I just wanna see,
how good this life can really be
Without you, without the agony
You always come back...
You always come back...
No matter what I do, or try
sweat glands to tear ducks
Precipitation can't lie
and I'd weep, and I'd cry, for a sign
but you left me out to dry, without ever saying good bye
How nice...
'Cause you went away
but now you're back
you had so much to say, to me
dont know how I feel about that
cause, you always come back
I dont want you back
You're like a selfish heart attack
causin' my whole body, to go numb
Not sure i'll ever reach, 21 in black jack
Cause the deck, always seemed stacked
Resinates through an awful taste in my gums
I just want this day to be done
Even if it admits you've got the best of me,
You won
'Cause you went away
but now you're back
you had so much to say, to me
dont know how I feel about that
cause, you always come back
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Behind Blue Eyes
Intro:
Behind Blue Eyes
I fight with Vengeance
That you’ll never see
I fight with sin diligence
That you’ll never reep
I fight with tears drops
That you’ll never weep
I fight with feared binocs,
That’ll never dream…
Behind Blue Eyes,
You’ll never see what he really sees,
You’ll never read what he really means,
You’ll never be what he wants you to be,
You’ll never seek what he really needs,
And you’ll never creep when he needs you to sneak…
Behind Blue Eyes
You have hours, filled with lonely
You have cowards, sealed of obits n’ fees
You have towers, filled to capacity
You have powers, those powers will be
And you have flowers, that’ll never see…
Behind Blue Eyes,
No one says they’re sorry
No one says don’t worry
No one says when its blurry,
No one cares when its dirty,
And no one comprehends the words we….say
Behind Blue Eyes,
I’d blame you
I’d shame you
I’d defame you
I’d hang you
But instead, I’d became you
Behind Blue Eyes,
We’re all mistreated
We all hold Secrets
We all get Heated
We’re all not needed
So we’re all just left defeated.
Behind Blue Eyes,
They just keep tellin’ lies
To the surprise that we all dispise
Trapped behind a clever disguise
We reach inside our souls to revive
But in the end, we all just die
Outro:
Cause my dreams, they aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
And its never free…
Friday, January 27, 2012
Humble Man
Sometimes the moon and stars align themselves,
Into a precious heart,
You try to picture the right way, and
Forgive all the things you should have said
Without ripping them apart
So I speak to you from paper,
The ink flows the lyrics just the same
Cause my voice just gets in the way
Doubt it it matters, anyways...
Into a precious heart,
You try to picture the right way, and
Forgive all the things you should have said
Without ripping them apart
So I speak to you from paper,
The ink flows the lyrics just the same
Cause my voice just gets in the way
Doubt it it matters, anyways...
And its always stormin’ in my head,
An empiphanic moment, you kneel
When you know you’ll do the right thing,
If the wrong thing isn’t real.
When I see your face, I whimper
Cause your frown is so sincere,
I try to ignore your intentions
But my words just disappear
I can’t take anymore of this, I reminisce…
How can you apologize,
for dismissing me, like a little boy?
Now, its my turn, you’re abyss
I am nothing more than a humble man,
Yet I live so lavishly,
But there are flaws you may not see
That are in installed in me
Monday, January 16, 2012
Letters from Iraq
Verse 1:
Dear, Becky
How is our little Anthony doing?
I'm sure he's growing up so fast
Baby, It's a brutal atmosphere out here
Alot of these mens, love didn't last, and
Out of all the things I've seen
Not being with you two is the greatest tragedy
I've seen car bombs, rip apart my enemies, and friends
I hope I never have to go through, this again,
but through it all, you've gave me strength
Even with life, seemingly threaded at the brink, and
I just hope that soon, I'll be renewed
In our California King, cuddled up next to you, and
Little Anthony, too
Chorus:
Dear, Becky
How is our little Anthony doing?
I'm sure he's growing up so fast
Baby, It's a brutal atmosphere out here
Alot of these mens, love didn't last, and
Out of all the things I've seen
Not being with you two is the greatest tragedy
I've seen car bombs, rip apart my enemies, and friends
I hope I never have to go through, this again,
but through it all, you've gave me strength
Even with life, seemingly threaded at the brink, and
I just hope that soon, I'll be renewed
In our California King, cuddled up next to you, and
Little Anthony, too
Chorus:
Friday, January 13, 2012
Far Far Away
Chorus:
It feels like you far far away from here
far far away from here, far away from here
It feels like your gone gone away from me
gone gone away from me, gone away from me
And theres nothing I can do about it
Verse 1:
Hypnotized by the cieling fan, blades across
Lie awake in bed, I turn and toss
Reminiscing about the ones loved and lost
How do you regain it? At any cost
It's so hard, when the Mission is imposs-ible
Everywhere you stumble is on another obstacle
Lord, point me in the direction of the optimal
So I can see the light of an obticle-illusion
We get lost in this Earth's collosal-pollution
Till we grow old, buried alone, like a-fossil-evolution
Chorus:
It feels like you far far away from here
far far away from here, far away from here
It feels like your gone gone away from me
gone gone away from me, gone away from me
And theres nothing I can do about it
Verse 2:
Familiar ways, Precious memories,
Swallowin' all registered pride and dignity
So you can reach a idea of self-infant epiphany
Tryna live vicariously never amounts to perfect symmetry, and
The toxicity of this vicinity is visciously, brilliant-ly (lie)
'Cause at post demise, Angels of Death know no wrong in dual eyes
Through suicide you're patronized, you're friends turn from allies to Al-ibi's (all-byes)
If you aren't really listening, can't finish unless you start
How you hold it together, when its all fallin' apart?
Chorus:
It feels like you far far away from here
far far away from here, far away from here
It feels like your gone gone away from me
gone gone away from me, gone away from me
And theres nothing I can do about it
It feels like you far far away from here
far far away from here, far away from here
It feels like your gone gone away from me
gone gone away from me, gone away from me
And theres nothing I can do about it
Verse 1:
Hypnotized by the cieling fan, blades across
Lie awake in bed, I turn and toss
Reminiscing about the ones loved and lost
How do you regain it? At any cost
It's so hard, when the Mission is imposs-ible
Everywhere you stumble is on another obstacle
Lord, point me in the direction of the optimal
So I can see the light of an obticle-illusion
We get lost in this Earth's collosal-pollution
Till we grow old, buried alone, like a-fossil-evolution
Chorus:
It feels like you far far away from here
far far away from here, far away from here
It feels like your gone gone away from me
gone gone away from me, gone away from me
And theres nothing I can do about it
Verse 2:
Familiar ways, Precious memories,
Swallowin' all registered pride and dignity
So you can reach a idea of self-infant epiphany
Tryna live vicariously never amounts to perfect symmetry, and
The toxicity of this vicinity is visciously, brilliant-ly (lie)
'Cause at post demise, Angels of Death know no wrong in dual eyes
Through suicide you're patronized, you're friends turn from allies to Al-ibi's (all-byes)
If you aren't really listening, can't finish unless you start
How you hold it together, when its all fallin' apart?
Chorus:
It feels like you far far away from here
far far away from here, far away from here
It feels like your gone gone away from me
gone gone away from me, gone away from me
And theres nothing I can do about it
Life, is to far it's to far
So the serenity,
So the serenity,
In goals is to have what u want in life in hands reach, by the time you turn fifty
It might seem hundreds of millions miles too steep .
Making relative happiness isn't something it's made out to be .
To make ends meet Without dependency
Life's to far for short tendencies
Outro:
And all faded memories resurrect a re-Born-Identity
Self Inflicted Amnesia amounts to a Born-Supremacy
No Born-Ultimatum, will limit me, by divine expectancy
Life, I'm here to leave behind a new Born-Legacy
It might seem hundreds of millions miles too steep .
Making relative happiness isn't something it's made out to be .
To make ends meet Without dependency
Life's to far for short tendencies
Outro:
And all faded memories resurrect a re-Born-Identity
Self Inflicted Amnesia amounts to a Born-Supremacy
No Born-Ultimatum, will limit me, by divine expectancy
Life, I'm here to leave behind a new Born-Legacy
Monday, January 9, 2012
Dear you
Dear you,
It's hard to find the words to justify what I want to elude towards your very existence. So much, that even typing this seems very lame within itselfs. I search dictionaries and thesauraus online to try and find the right literary devices that are worthy of your name. I'm left swifting through the Z's with nothing but empty compliments that im sure you are graciously used to hearing from many robotic men every day. You're beautiful sounds so corny and overused that I wouldnt dare comment on such an atrocious pickup line. And yet, would you like to go out seems to simple, not yet elegant enough for someone of your stature. Once again I'm lost. Not knowing what to say so I say absolutely nothing.
All that said or lack there of, I'd love to take you out. Not to a bar or to a club, but on a proper old fashioned date. Dinner at a nice fancy resturant at the heart of the city. A nice walk along the sidewalk underneath the street lights that illuminate the path that we walk on. To be able to lay out a blanket below the moon and watch the stars seems marvelous and what an exceptional way to describe your beauty with such a sentiment. No need to talk, the moment would speak volumes for the moment. Why doesn't this sound appealing to anyone anymore? Not just anyone, you. Would you enjoy it? I'm afraid I may never know. But I would have you home in time for a good nights sleep. Why? Because even as much as I want to spend more time with you, I'm a gentleman and theres no need to stay out all night. I realize that now.
Everytime I see you, you are stuck with me all day. So I write, in some form or way about you. Subtly laying hints down that I want you to see, knowing very well that you may not have seen a single word. But I want something to look forward to when the alarm goes off everyday. I'm better that way. I dont enjoy the self wallowous person I am when nothing excitements or interest me through a given day. It's not pleasant, for anyone that I come into contact with. I'm a very passionate individual, but I need something to be passionate about in order for me to share my gift. I'm not conceeded, I have little self confidence. I'm not trying to hide behind a lie like many people. I'm not good at hiding or masking my emotions, they are out there for the world to see. And as much as I can bare physical pain, the emotional side makes me mentally weaker, and I dont like that.
I can be the guy that you dream of. I dont know if I could make other girls jealous of what you have, but I would always be loyal to you. I'm aware that some like a mystery, or like men who play hard to get, but thats not me. I'm an open book, ready to be read. I want to tell my story, that's what I'm good at. Putting words down on paper for others to read so that I dont have to confront them personally. Not that I fear a direct confrontation, in fact I welcome it on many occasions to reap what the other person is made of, but I tend to come off as a different person in person. I'd rather be known as the strong, silent type with a nice persona. Because deep down, that's the kind of man I am. A man none the less.
If you're reading this and wincing, I'm sorry I have the ability to be honest with myself and others, while you continue to mascarade in an emasculating manner that I see right through. We as individuals are different, but we all come from the same seed. We're all woven from different cloths but the root of us are all the same. It's science. Whether we were just spontatously created or evolved over time from whatever type of mass organism, the theory and presence stay the same. To hypothasize something different would be a waste, because it won't get you anywhere but more and more quesions of irrelevance. We all feel pain, happiness, and lonliness. No matter how happy or fake you want to act on facebook, the world knows. The people that are around you know what's really going. Why face the world as a lie? You can't be helped that way.
But back to her. Where's there to really say. She's everything I look for in a woman. She's the kind of person that I would stand out in her front yard with an old boom box over my head playing a love song like John Cusack did in Say Anything. Or would I? I would in theory, but not sure I would comfortable in that setting. Setting myself up for a moment so vulnerable that I wouldnt be able to bare it. Being torn to pieces by others internally my entire life, taking every bit they had to throw my way. Chewing it up and taking it out on a leather wrapped bag of sand. I'm not sure I want to expose her to that though. Right now she barely knows me, and thinks nothing more or less of me than the norm, and im ok with that. There's only so much a person can go through with thier own prior commitments, and only so little someone can put another person through.
Cause in the mist of things, she was as broken as I was. She hid it better than I did, but I knew. And I assume that is what caused us to find each other, and how I fell for her, without knowing her feelings towards oneself. I'd rather not know though. Things are easier this way. Easier knowing she's out there, a good person. A person that I admire. Sparing her of any kind of heartache I would only bring her in the future. No need for her to be anymore broken, and im not sure I could fix her, although I would certainly try and accept her as such. I'm just being a realist. Maybe it's a relief compared to the many cocky, self deluded men out there today just looking for a hook up. Maybe i'm just afraid of change and opening up again. Or maybe I just know how this person should be treated, and I'm not sure I'm in the right place mentally to be that for someone. I want to be, I really do, but batteling my own demons are tiring. I can relate and understand others, but overcoming mine are hard enough. She deserves to be someones first, and im afraid that myself comes first right now, at least until I get everything figured out. It's an uneasy path that I continuously find myself on. What to do, Where to go from here. I honestly don't know.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Hide the Tears
Intro:
I can't be there, but I can dream, yes I can dream
I can't be there, that's all you had to say to me was
You couldn't be there, why couldn't you say to me
You won't be there, you coulda warned me
You wouldn't be here right here, you wouldn't be here for me, no
Bridge:
She said I can't be there for you,
My tears are running out, My tears are running out
No Doubt, No Doubt
She said I can't be there for you, I feel the tears comin' now
Chorus:
Hide my face, hide my face
Can't let them see me crying
You could have spared me from all the lying
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
You could have spared me from the lost years
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
Verse:
I wish someone would be there for me
would a girl named Grace tread gracefully?
maybe I'm lookin in the wrong place
Grace, wipe my eyes, touch my face
Tell me everythings just fine, and smile
You'll never have to walk that green mile, alone
Get off your phone, honey, we're almost home
and she said it all in the softest tone
You'll never be alone
I can dream, I can dream
I still dream, I still dream
Chorus:
Hide my face, hide my face
Can't let them see me crying
You could have spared me from all the lying
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
You could have spared me from the lost years
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
Outro:
You can't miss what you ain't have, but I can
Lookin' back, its something I wish I didn't have
There may be smiles, but there will only be few
Hydro-codeine only temporily heals the pain, and you
Couldn't be there, all the tears I spared
But you still couldn't be there
Chorus:
Hide my face, hide my face
Can't let them see me crying
You could have spared me from all the lying
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
You could have spared me from the lost years
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
I can't be there, but I can dream, yes I can dream
I can't be there, that's all you had to say to me was
You couldn't be there, why couldn't you say to me
You won't be there, you coulda warned me
You wouldn't be here right here, you wouldn't be here for me, no
Bridge:
She said I can't be there for you,
My tears are running out, My tears are running out
No Doubt, No Doubt
She said I can't be there for you, I feel the tears comin' now
Chorus:
Hide my face, hide my face
Can't let them see me crying
You could have spared me from all the lying
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
You could have spared me from the lost years
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
Verse:
I wish someone would be there for me
would a girl named Grace tread gracefully?
maybe I'm lookin in the wrong place
Grace, wipe my eyes, touch my face
Tell me everythings just fine, and smile
You'll never have to walk that green mile, alone
Get off your phone, honey, we're almost home
and she said it all in the softest tone
You'll never be alone
I can dream, I can dream
I still dream, I still dream
Chorus:
Hide my face, hide my face
Can't let them see me crying
You could have spared me from all the lying
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
You could have spared me from the lost years
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
Outro:
You can't miss what you ain't have, but I can
Lookin' back, its something I wish I didn't have
There may be smiles, but there will only be few
Hydro-codeine only temporily heals the pain, and you
Couldn't be there, all the tears I spared
But you still couldn't be there
Chorus:
Hide my face, hide my face
Can't let them see me crying
You could have spared me from all the lying
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
You could have spared me from the lost years
Hide the tears, Hide the Tears
Gotta Believe in Something
Intro:
I believe in Excellence, Opulence, and Decadance
I believe that the following is my testiment
I believe that I am a lyrical perfectionist
You must believe in something, someday
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you dont lose your way
Verse 1:
I believe in a higher power
not necessarily a god
I believe that some believe in Alah
but it all could be a facade
I believe in vengeful murder
trap 'em to the electric chair
I believe in an eye for an eye
pull the lever down and watch 'em fry, burn
I believe in extraterrestrial life forms
drake equations shows us the probability of this
I believe in crop circles in fields of corn
but they are just gimics to mythify the spirits
I believe in silencing the lambs
When they're screamin' out for you
I believe in love when your holding hands
but only when it consist only of two
I believe in marriage between a man and woman
I know that most drift apart
I believe that Dexter loved Lumen
but he spared her own heart
I believe in faith
but its day by day
I believe that if you dont believe in something
You will lose your way
Interlude:
You must believe in something, someday
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you dont lose your way
Whats the point of it all if you don't
theres no point to it all if you dont
You must believe in something, someday
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you dont lose your way
Verse 2:
I dont believe in Jersey Shore
even though I watch it
I dont believe in more is more
when less can be all thats needed to fit
I don't believe in everything the bible says
and yes i've read every word
I don't believe the world will end this year
but if it did I wouldn't shed a single tear
I dont believe in drugs or alchoholics
Although I use them to ease my mind
I dont believe in contradicting hypocrites
Even though I'm one myself from time to time
I don't believe in pathological lying
that's immaturity at its best
I don't believe in livin' before dyin'
I'd rather just silence all the rest
I dont believe greedy bastards
money isn't everything, and I have it
I don't believe in intersection camera's
unless a Vipers photographed speeding through traffic
I dont believe in hell
Cause this Earth is bad enough as is
I don't believe in a Purgatory
unless this is it
I dont believe in homosexuality
but im ok that it exist
I dont believe our lives are of simplicity
but I'm glad that it persist
Outro:
I dont believe in just one thing
I dont believe in nothing
I dont believe that something means nothing
That's why I believe in something
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you don't lose your way
I believe in Excellence, Opulence, and Decadance
I believe that the following is my testiment
I believe that I am a lyrical perfectionist
You must believe in something, someday
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you dont lose your way
Verse 1:
I believe in a higher power
not necessarily a god
I believe that some believe in Alah
but it all could be a facade
I believe in vengeful murder
trap 'em to the electric chair
I believe in an eye for an eye
pull the lever down and watch 'em fry, burn
I believe in extraterrestrial life forms
drake equations shows us the probability of this
I believe in crop circles in fields of corn
but they are just gimics to mythify the spirits
I believe in silencing the lambs
When they're screamin' out for you
I believe in love when your holding hands
but only when it consist only of two
I believe in marriage between a man and woman
I know that most drift apart
I believe that Dexter loved Lumen
but he spared her own heart
I believe in faith
but its day by day
I believe that if you dont believe in something
You will lose your way
Interlude:
You must believe in something, someday
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you dont lose your way
Whats the point of it all if you don't
theres no point to it all if you dont
You must believe in something, someday
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you dont lose your way
Verse 2:
I dont believe in Jersey Shore
even though I watch it
I dont believe in more is more
when less can be all thats needed to fit
I don't believe in everything the bible says
and yes i've read every word
I don't believe the world will end this year
but if it did I wouldn't shed a single tear
I dont believe in drugs or alchoholics
Although I use them to ease my mind
I dont believe in contradicting hypocrites
Even though I'm one myself from time to time
I don't believe in pathological lying
that's immaturity at its best
I don't believe in livin' before dyin'
I'd rather just silence all the rest
I dont believe greedy bastards
money isn't everything, and I have it
I don't believe in intersection camera's
unless a Vipers photographed speeding through traffic
I dont believe in hell
Cause this Earth is bad enough as is
I don't believe in a Purgatory
unless this is it
I dont believe in homosexuality
but im ok that it exist
I dont believe our lives are of simplicity
but I'm glad that it persist
Outro:
I dont believe in just one thing
I dont believe in nothing
I dont believe that something means nothing
That's why I believe in something
Gotta believe in something, in some way
So that you don't lose your way
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I'll never let...
Son in the sky, help me
It's drifting on by, It's drifting on by
It's a new life, before me
It's a new day, for me
and it feels good
Verse 1:
If I ever have a daughter, then ill grown up to be the greatest father
and teach her all the new things that nobody else woulda taught her
just like my father, even though he hardly ever saw her.
that wasn' this fault, but she still was his daughter
but i'll never let my daughter only see me on the week-ends
cause I couldnt stand only seein' her while Im dream-in'
no matter what the court says, can't be seduced by a whores leg
Plenty fish left in the sea, one of us will die before my daughter ever looses me
you may think that im just livin' a fantasy, but I just know how much that would damage me
and i'll never let my daughter end up with a bum guy
who'd rather look into a computer screen than into her eyes
and whomever ever brings her down, will feel the wrath while I wash the crown
the kings princess will never be allowed to frown while im around
and ill never let my daughter ever get hurt, or get dirty, while she's trackin' in dirt
ill never let my daughter work that hard for a nickel or dime
and ill never let my daughter hear that she ain't beautiful
and to the man who says that, i'll slice up their fingers at the brink of their cuticals
I named by daughter Sheas (She-is), so that her middle name could be beautiful
Chorus:
Son in the sky, help me
It's drifting on by, It's drifting on by
It's a new life, before me
It's a new day, for me
and it feels good
Verse 2:
Sins of your father make your life ten times harder
so the day that you're born, all my problems will be no longer
guard your life with my own hands cause your my little man
which is why ill never let you work a job that you can't stand
and I'll never let you have an manic-ego
you'll be nice to everyone that we know, and everywhere that we go
listen son, dont be like your daddy, who struggled to be happy
cause he wouldnt budge, stuck in his stubborn ways
Dont' ever loose sight of the man above, never lose hope and praise
I just want you to have an easy life, not like other peoples life
losin' track of whats really important, while lookin' for the wife
I'll never let you go through the pain that I went through
and everything that i'll do, I'll do it just for you
and everything that I knew, you will once know too
because what you know now, it somethings that you'll someday knew
and ill never let you worry about getting coal for christmas
cause ill makes sure you get everything on your xmas wish list
and ill never let you question your worth to me and your mother
even if someday shes leaves me for another, they'll never be another, you
cause that's what my parents taught me to do, and
When you find this letter hidden in one of my drawers, it'll read
yes son, everything that I have will someday be yours
cause the one who dies with the most toys, wins gallantly
and the one who dies with the most love, dies happily
So when your daddy passes away, only shed a tear for me
Because of you, I won and died happily
Chorus:
Son in the sky, help me
It's drifting on by, It's drifting on by
It's a new life, before me
It's a new day, for me
and it feels good
It's drifting on by, It's drifting on by
It's a new life, before me
It's a new day, for me
and it feels good
Verse 1:
If I ever have a daughter, then ill grown up to be the greatest father
and teach her all the new things that nobody else woulda taught her
just like my father, even though he hardly ever saw her.
that wasn' this fault, but she still was his daughter
but i'll never let my daughter only see me on the week-ends
cause I couldnt stand only seein' her while Im dream-in'
no matter what the court says, can't be seduced by a whores leg
Plenty fish left in the sea, one of us will die before my daughter ever looses me
you may think that im just livin' a fantasy, but I just know how much that would damage me
and i'll never let my daughter end up with a bum guy
who'd rather look into a computer screen than into her eyes
and whomever ever brings her down, will feel the wrath while I wash the crown
the kings princess will never be allowed to frown while im around
and ill never let my daughter ever get hurt, or get dirty, while she's trackin' in dirt
ill never let my daughter work that hard for a nickel or dime
and ill never let my daughter hear that she ain't beautiful
and to the man who says that, i'll slice up their fingers at the brink of their cuticals
I named by daughter Sheas (She-is), so that her middle name could be beautiful
Chorus:
Son in the sky, help me
It's drifting on by, It's drifting on by
It's a new life, before me
It's a new day, for me
and it feels good
Verse 2:
Sins of your father make your life ten times harder
so the day that you're born, all my problems will be no longer
guard your life with my own hands cause your my little man
which is why ill never let you work a job that you can't stand
and I'll never let you have an manic-ego
you'll be nice to everyone that we know, and everywhere that we go
listen son, dont be like your daddy, who struggled to be happy
cause he wouldnt budge, stuck in his stubborn ways
Dont' ever loose sight of the man above, never lose hope and praise
I just want you to have an easy life, not like other peoples life
losin' track of whats really important, while lookin' for the wife
I'll never let you go through the pain that I went through
and everything that i'll do, I'll do it just for you
and everything that I knew, you will once know too
because what you know now, it somethings that you'll someday knew
and ill never let you worry about getting coal for christmas
cause ill makes sure you get everything on your xmas wish list
and ill never let you question your worth to me and your mother
even if someday shes leaves me for another, they'll never be another, you
cause that's what my parents taught me to do, and
When you find this letter hidden in one of my drawers, it'll read
yes son, everything that I have will someday be yours
cause the one who dies with the most toys, wins gallantly
and the one who dies with the most love, dies happily
So when your daddy passes away, only shed a tear for me
Because of you, I won and died happily
Chorus:
Son in the sky, help me
It's drifting on by, It's drifting on by
It's a new life, before me
It's a new day, for me
and it feels good
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Restitution
Hey, its me again. It's the start of a new year so I thought I would write something, to help make sense of it all. Doubting it will bring any sort of moral satisfaction to anyone that reads it. Today is just another day for me. Another day of never ending struggles and constant solitude thats hard to dig my way out from. Dont want to face the outside world filled with happy and self confident people. Many are afraid that it will all come to an end this year. What a relief that would be.
Marking the end of the Mayan calender in which most people aren't even relatively aware of its significance, or its lack there of due to its vague properties of telling future prophecy. Don't believe everything you hear on the history channel. Yes, there is truth to alot of it, but many of it is exaggerations for the art of television. You are being suckered into the illusion that it could all end. Even citing revelations to hold merit to your prediction. Yet, revelations is just as vague as the calender and what it represents. No exact date, no modern day detail, and no proof that any such things are going to occur this year. And although I may be a cinic, because I choose to not believe in such audacity, no one is less afraid of it happening, whether it happens or not. I welcome it.
My resolution for 2012 is going to be hard to overcome, considering what I suffer from has no meaningful solution or cure. No amount of drugs, counseling, or money seem to be able to fix it. Yet I still seek the restitution needed in order to pick myself back up to where I once was, which seems like ages ago. Nearly 24 years old, I feel like im at a four way crossroad and every direction is dark, gloomy, and haunted with no end in sight. Recently I envisioned a nurse standing next to me, egging me on about how things aren't that bad, and that how her professional opinion of me makes me want to burn her degree of certification. How dare she speak on a subject matter she clearly knows nothing about. I wouldnt love anything more than to shove these pills she gave me down her throat just to show her that my anger still persist and that her diagnosis was exactly how I suspected it would be, false. I know im angry, I know I have disgust and hatred running through my veins, yet all she can do is repeat the already given and prescribe a worthless solution that solved nothing. Now im exactly what I was before, only filled with more resentment than ever. Restitution is what im fighting for.
My days are over before they even begin. Why must I live in a land of torture. There are so many good people in this world. Why cant I find one for me? To make me a better person, and to help me get back to not caring about the little things, because the little things bother me the most these days. And they haunt me like a suseptible plague of darkness. Day in and day out, its the same ruitine. I grow weary of night fall because of how it captivates my senses and turns my depression tired. In bed at 9 oclock, not because I have to be, but because my body just wants to aid and heal itselfs from all the battles it fought through that day. This is everyday. I didn't go to war for a reason, but even in America I'm still fighting for me. Don't feel sorry for me, I dont want the sympathy. I just want to be better. If you're really listening, you would hear me.
Restitution
Marking the end of the Mayan calender in which most people aren't even relatively aware of its significance, or its lack there of due to its vague properties of telling future prophecy. Don't believe everything you hear on the history channel. Yes, there is truth to alot of it, but many of it is exaggerations for the art of television. You are being suckered into the illusion that it could all end. Even citing revelations to hold merit to your prediction. Yet, revelations is just as vague as the calender and what it represents. No exact date, no modern day detail, and no proof that any such things are going to occur this year. And although I may be a cinic, because I choose to not believe in such audacity, no one is less afraid of it happening, whether it happens or not. I welcome it.
My resolution for 2012 is going to be hard to overcome, considering what I suffer from has no meaningful solution or cure. No amount of drugs, counseling, or money seem to be able to fix it. Yet I still seek the restitution needed in order to pick myself back up to where I once was, which seems like ages ago. Nearly 24 years old, I feel like im at a four way crossroad and every direction is dark, gloomy, and haunted with no end in sight. Recently I envisioned a nurse standing next to me, egging me on about how things aren't that bad, and that how her professional opinion of me makes me want to burn her degree of certification. How dare she speak on a subject matter she clearly knows nothing about. I wouldnt love anything more than to shove these pills she gave me down her throat just to show her that my anger still persist and that her diagnosis was exactly how I suspected it would be, false. I know im angry, I know I have disgust and hatred running through my veins, yet all she can do is repeat the already given and prescribe a worthless solution that solved nothing. Now im exactly what I was before, only filled with more resentment than ever. Restitution is what im fighting for.
My days are over before they even begin. Why must I live in a land of torture. There are so many good people in this world. Why cant I find one for me? To make me a better person, and to help me get back to not caring about the little things, because the little things bother me the most these days. And they haunt me like a suseptible plague of darkness. Day in and day out, its the same ruitine. I grow weary of night fall because of how it captivates my senses and turns my depression tired. In bed at 9 oclock, not because I have to be, but because my body just wants to aid and heal itselfs from all the battles it fought through that day. This is everyday. I didn't go to war for a reason, but even in America I'm still fighting for me. Don't feel sorry for me, I dont want the sympathy. I just want to be better. If you're really listening, you would hear me.
Restitution
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)