Hey you. It's me again. I'm not sure if you are actually reading this but it can't hurt to dive into another daunted sea of emasculating thought. Im compelled by a few actions of late, mainly that affect my life in general but also by those that are making those choices for me much easier. I've always been one to seek out what I wanted, and since knowing what I want has always come easy to me, it's always been rather easy to accomplish my goals. I strive for perfection but understand that it doesnt exist, but it keeps civil and moral aptitude high. I'm not sure what people consider down to earth, but maybe it's time I come down for a visit to see what it is like for awhile. I do feel like I need a vacation after all.
Sophistication is defined as being an expert or having knowledge of some techincal subject. Many people I find think they know everything, especially about relationships. Those same people never fail to surprise me with their lack of sophistication. If you say you want something, but sit around and do absolutely nothing to obtain that something, dont be upset when that something moves on. In a world where all we seemingly do is fight, I'm exasperated at the lack of fight some people have in them. If you are going to give up on me, someone who I believe is worth fighting for, then I seek no sorrow in your wallowous agony of me choosing to give up hope on you. There are many options out there, and I may have already found one. And I would rather go down in a blaze full of fist and fury, than ever giving up my right and desire to fight for the things that I believe in and want in order to find happiness. Because the last thing I want is to end up alone.
My constant battle with erosion and self worth appear to have been defeated by recent applications of divine intervention. Another thought provoking theory would involve me overcoming my demons masked by insecurities with mental empathy for myself. In the arms of the person that brought me into this world, I seeked relief and love. And was awarded with such that made one realize it would all be ok , eventually. Time heals all wounds were told, even when the wounds are present for the world to see on a daily basis. We still must present our face to others, admist all the imperfections that haunt us. I've learned that what we see as an individual aren't what others see. And that perception is the key in overcoming any obstacle that gets in your way. I've never had a positive outlook on things, mainly because im aware of the negativity that is close behind. But I'm trying to practice those methods, even as I type this, I still struggle to fall back in as the man I was even a few weeks ago. And although the appearance that I reflect reveals a man that Im confident about right now, who knows how long that eerie presence will stay.
For the time being, my hope has been brought back alive. I almost hate to mention this because im afraid once it's out there, the inevitable will sit in. But I can't hide from my feelings and my hopes. I met someone. A beautiful young woman who has inspired me to write again. Lyrics would only delude everything that I needed to say, so another passage I began. I finally had the confidence to go out into the world and meet her, and my expectations we're met with a pleasant surprise. And before you ask, yes I will see her again. Not just because she's one of the cutest things I've ever seen, but because of her sweet and interesting personality that I find compelling enough to pursue. Sure there's only been one date, but its enough to bring my hope back to a table that was only serving ramen noodles to my soul. Food for thought.
Even if all odds turn against me again, and least I have the strength to know that I can overcome them. Especially when I have friends and family who are there to support me through it all. Even if she turns out to not be the one, I still have hope that she is out there. Through my writing I speak to the world, I speak to her, and I speak to you. Let me bow out gracefully this time. Let me recapture the for-beaten path and guide me to an everlasting solitude of delightfulness. I want to be happy. I think that's all anyone wants. I dont want to forget about all the people that are no longer in my life, no longer my significant other or friend, but I do want to put them behind me so that I can move on in a way that suggest I'm ok with it all. So that I can transform into a person that is accepted by the outside world and not just by the inner circle I've created. I've got to get this right this time. Contentment is no longer an option. My own self is worth saving.
Sophisticated Means.
No comments:
Post a Comment