Intro:
Designer cloths
Name brands
Omega watches
For both hands
Fast cars
Big dreams
Defeated feats
But here's the thing....
Verse 1:
I come off as selfish, and cocky, and patronizing
cause Id say things like
You're nothing but liquid cement
and ill leave you ass out for the drying
And this makes people want to step to me
so if you're going to step to me, better step to me
you say you have teh antidote
well then I say I have the recipe
oh no, but now thats pathetic
apparently you can say all the right things
and still not be understood by the means in which you said it
Why dont you people get it?
If you're trying to faze me
you better try a little harder
if you ever want to daze me
and maybe I am a little bit crazy
from the passion thats installed in me
from my birth of my future wifes pregnancy
and when I leave this planet's quarantine,
I want to leave my kids everything
including a good father legacy
so they'll never have to work as hard as my mom and dad did
in order to leave me their multi million dollar inheritancy
Hook:
Red Light
flashing on my blackberry
gotta new message
umm thats kinda scary
isolated from the world
just want you to be my girl
When will you fall from above
When will you let...
Let one be loved
Verse 2:
Forget the first verse
put it in a hurse, and
drive 'em off to the dirt
so that the sentiments aren't to hurt
the only thing that matters
is what is next said
I'm just looking for the same thing
everyone else wants before their dead
I'd give you my whole life
i'd take a bullet for you
and i'd never leave your side
not without a fight
I want to classically romance you
wine and dine you like the 50's
and compliment you with phrases like
"you sure do look quite nifty"
Mad Men's syndrome, we call it MMS
from advertising agencies
to that billboard beneath my left chest
let me put a roof over your head
with a big ol' hot tub
and a big ass bed
and although I know it's better left unsaid
but I want your love, and unlike cancer
it's better off when spread
Hook:
Red Light
flashing on my blackberry
gotta new message
umm thats kinda scary
isolated from the world
just want you to be my girl
When will you fall from above
When will you let...
Let one be loved
Verse 3:
In order to slay the giant
one must not become a tyrant of isis
and study more history than mythology
and kill the oligarchy like ghandhi with his kindness
even though I know I'm not the nicest
Doing it big in this wally world
scan my bar code and you'll see the words price-less
But this anger isn't getting me any where
and my looks may be decieving
but its' only becasue I care
So I gotta stop pushing people away
Learning how to pull them back
or maybe in order for them to stay
I need to pull a little back
I know I need to watch what I say
Cuz im apprehensibly misunderstood
even if I was quoting The Fray
all through my lonely days
Still fighting faith
I know I have to find it
If I were only given a sign
you know I wouldn't decline it
Tired of not loving myself
I've gotta get that right
so that I can be loved by someone else
so that I can be her white knight
cause the green light only meant that I had no messages
so the dark knight in me is jumping off the ledge-end
going to finally let someone in, and
look over at my phone
What do I see?
Something that shouldn't be extraordinary
but a glimpse of how the ordinary should always be...
Hook:
Red Light
flashing on my blackberry
gotta new message
umm thats kinda scary
isolated from the world
just want you to be my girl
When will you fall from above
When will you let...
Let one be loved
Let one be loved
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Revolution or Revoltion
Hey all, it's me again. I'm remembering something that occured over the weekend that befuddled me. In fact, in berates me. What has society come to? My disbelief of the things going on in todays world conflict with what I truly believe in. It's left me feeling in a state of catatonic nature. A stage of neurogenic motor dis-functions causing a behavior abnormality that has left me speechless by retarding my diagnostics. Not sure what else to do than write, and in this essensce I will serenitize my provoking thoughts of antagonism. Let it begin as my anti-psychotics flow from the tips of my fingers. I notice my nails need cut, but we'll leave that for another day. Yes, it ok to laugh.
Everywhere I turn there is another church being built. Muilti-million dollar complexes pave the empty lots that once used to be beautiful country side, destroying the land that our ancestors used to ho in order to provide for their family. Land that never did anything to anyone to deserve such a wasted development forced upon it. All it did was exist and it was taken advantage of just like they tried to take advantage of me the other day. I wasn't going to let it go that easy.
A man, with a bucket was outside in the cold. He was wearing a nice shirt and a tie, standing on the medium curb at a four way intersection. Pleading for money he cried. Acting to the best of his ability as if he were talkin' through god. I couldn't help but laugh and deny him any of my hard earned for the purpose of his visit. How funny I found it that our economy is at nearly its worst point of all time with budget deficits, bankruptcy chapters through the roof, and a political war on congress that may never end. I give enough money away in taxes every year to provide this earth with a plethura of churches. I even feed the criminals that I look so lowly upon. Yet, this doesnt stop them from asking for more?
When did god become so greedy? I take that back, when did churches become some greedy. I know many that are overshadowed by this notion that you must give back to the church in order to be worthy, yet outside of it they struggle to make ends meet. Putting faith in god that everything will work out, while he takes their money. For what? To build more churches? To feed other nations, when people in our nation need food and shelter. Im sick of everyone worrying about third world countries and all the problems they have. We aren't going to fix anyones problems until we fix ours. It's a simplimatic resolution if there was any.
The Democratic party constantly plague Obama with scrunity that he isn't doing his job. The same democrats that vanquished Bush when he was in office as well. But looking back, we realize Bush wasn't half bad. Looking back even further, we realize despite his alleged adultery in the office, Clinton was one of the best presidents we may have ever had. Presidents become more loved after they are out of office. I wonder why that is? Probabley because they are no longer in the public eye and are no long percieved as the ruler of our states. I've come to the conclusion that no matter who is in office, no matter their skin color, they will be hated eventually by at least 75 percent of the population. That's just what it is coming to. It's not that they dont do a good job, or try to commit to the change that they promised. It's because we will never be satisified with anything, when maybe we should start to be satisfied with the cards that our dealt.
Money, Money, Money. I've never loved and hated something more. The world revolves around it, cliche, I know. But its true isn' it? You either have it or you dont. Maybe its what keeps us grounded? I dont know. I just know that i'll never judge a man by his wealth, because I can judge people just the same who don't have any.
What is it with smoker's that give them the right to complain that they can't feed their kids, yet they are never to far gone from purchasing another 5 dollar pack of cigarettes to fix their urging needs. One can say love comes in many shapes and forms, but sacrifice remains the greatest action of love one can make. Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day adds up to 35 dollars a week, 140 dollars a month, and a poposterous 1,680 dollars over a year. That is more than an individual gasoline bill over the same time period, let alone how many meals that would feed someone. Over a 25 year period, that is your childrens college fund, thrown out the window so you could inhale toxic waste to no benefit.
Yes I know the accountant in me is becoming a bit obnoxious, but no more than the absurdity that you bring upon yourself. Let alot how ridiculous your words sound to me. However, I have no right to judge you. You will be what you are, and you will do as you please. But when kids are involved, I tend to make it my business if they dont have food on the table due to someones self deluded desires. I hold no amount of sympathy for these people. I emphathize with them, for their addiction may in fact be real. But what kind of situation would you like to encounter? Letting your kids starve and watching you die of lung cancer as you get older, or feeding them unselfishly and being around for them as long as you possible can fathom on this Earth.
We all tend to struggle with complexities of what the brain tells us we need, yet the underlying truth is, we are all just as weak mentally as the next person. Hitting a breaking point that makes even the most rugged man crumble. It's like seeing your dad cry for the first time and not understanding what is going on. But now you see why. I know its hard to break the habit. As crazy as it sounds, cutting caffeine and snickers out of my regular diet was about the eastiest thing I've had to do. And yes it bordered upon addiction. If you knew me, you would confirm.
I set my mind to something, and it was conquered. Not because I couldn't afford it, but because it has transformed my body, internally and externally. The element of mental comfort and additional strength was also added to my reputour. The point im trying to make is that even if you have to sweat it out cold turkey, the payoffs will greatly overcome the contrary. Being able to defeat stress and issues without drugs, maybe the biggest accomplishment of your entire life. As sad as it sounds. You would finally gain my sympathy and praise, and this world would be a better place for it.
It all comes full circle when dealing with monetary values. It's the circle of life, as Elton John may deny, but it in itselfs is a necessity. However, what you do with that money, speaks more towards your character than anything. At lesat from my eyes.
Revolution or Revoltion?
Everywhere I turn there is another church being built. Muilti-million dollar complexes pave the empty lots that once used to be beautiful country side, destroying the land that our ancestors used to ho in order to provide for their family. Land that never did anything to anyone to deserve such a wasted development forced upon it. All it did was exist and it was taken advantage of just like they tried to take advantage of me the other day. I wasn't going to let it go that easy.
A man, with a bucket was outside in the cold. He was wearing a nice shirt and a tie, standing on the medium curb at a four way intersection. Pleading for money he cried. Acting to the best of his ability as if he were talkin' through god. I couldn't help but laugh and deny him any of my hard earned for the purpose of his visit. How funny I found it that our economy is at nearly its worst point of all time with budget deficits, bankruptcy chapters through the roof, and a political war on congress that may never end. I give enough money away in taxes every year to provide this earth with a plethura of churches. I even feed the criminals that I look so lowly upon. Yet, this doesnt stop them from asking for more?
When did god become so greedy? I take that back, when did churches become some greedy. I know many that are overshadowed by this notion that you must give back to the church in order to be worthy, yet outside of it they struggle to make ends meet. Putting faith in god that everything will work out, while he takes their money. For what? To build more churches? To feed other nations, when people in our nation need food and shelter. Im sick of everyone worrying about third world countries and all the problems they have. We aren't going to fix anyones problems until we fix ours. It's a simplimatic resolution if there was any.
The Democratic party constantly plague Obama with scrunity that he isn't doing his job. The same democrats that vanquished Bush when he was in office as well. But looking back, we realize Bush wasn't half bad. Looking back even further, we realize despite his alleged adultery in the office, Clinton was one of the best presidents we may have ever had. Presidents become more loved after they are out of office. I wonder why that is? Probabley because they are no longer in the public eye and are no long percieved as the ruler of our states. I've come to the conclusion that no matter who is in office, no matter their skin color, they will be hated eventually by at least 75 percent of the population. That's just what it is coming to. It's not that they dont do a good job, or try to commit to the change that they promised. It's because we will never be satisified with anything, when maybe we should start to be satisfied with the cards that our dealt.
Money, Money, Money. I've never loved and hated something more. The world revolves around it, cliche, I know. But its true isn' it? You either have it or you dont. Maybe its what keeps us grounded? I dont know. I just know that i'll never judge a man by his wealth, because I can judge people just the same who don't have any.
What is it with smoker's that give them the right to complain that they can't feed their kids, yet they are never to far gone from purchasing another 5 dollar pack of cigarettes to fix their urging needs. One can say love comes in many shapes and forms, but sacrifice remains the greatest action of love one can make. Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day adds up to 35 dollars a week, 140 dollars a month, and a poposterous 1,680 dollars over a year. That is more than an individual gasoline bill over the same time period, let alone how many meals that would feed someone. Over a 25 year period, that is your childrens college fund, thrown out the window so you could inhale toxic waste to no benefit.
Yes I know the accountant in me is becoming a bit obnoxious, but no more than the absurdity that you bring upon yourself. Let alot how ridiculous your words sound to me. However, I have no right to judge you. You will be what you are, and you will do as you please. But when kids are involved, I tend to make it my business if they dont have food on the table due to someones self deluded desires. I hold no amount of sympathy for these people. I emphathize with them, for their addiction may in fact be real. But what kind of situation would you like to encounter? Letting your kids starve and watching you die of lung cancer as you get older, or feeding them unselfishly and being around for them as long as you possible can fathom on this Earth.
We all tend to struggle with complexities of what the brain tells us we need, yet the underlying truth is, we are all just as weak mentally as the next person. Hitting a breaking point that makes even the most rugged man crumble. It's like seeing your dad cry for the first time and not understanding what is going on. But now you see why. I know its hard to break the habit. As crazy as it sounds, cutting caffeine and snickers out of my regular diet was about the eastiest thing I've had to do. And yes it bordered upon addiction. If you knew me, you would confirm.
I set my mind to something, and it was conquered. Not because I couldn't afford it, but because it has transformed my body, internally and externally. The element of mental comfort and additional strength was also added to my reputour. The point im trying to make is that even if you have to sweat it out cold turkey, the payoffs will greatly overcome the contrary. Being able to defeat stress and issues without drugs, maybe the biggest accomplishment of your entire life. As sad as it sounds. You would finally gain my sympathy and praise, and this world would be a better place for it.
It all comes full circle when dealing with monetary values. It's the circle of life, as Elton John may deny, but it in itselfs is a necessity. However, what you do with that money, speaks more towards your character than anything. At lesat from my eyes.
Revolution or Revoltion?
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Forgive you all
Intro:
The Golden Rule states,
"Treat others how you want to be treated"
So that's just what they'd get
If there wasn't any silver lining
Verse 1:
More chapters than pages
a novel not yet written
still pieces together the stages
on a semi-blank sheet of paper
with scratch marks in trashcans
full of crumbled up ink stains
left to evaporate like water vapor
having a hard time writin' sweet
when all I taste is sour
thoughts races a hundred miles an hour
without a concept of when to swerve
Not a coward
I can't think of a perfect way to word it
it's got to serve a purpose
my intentions are to strike a nerve, it's
what I observe, and
what all you deserve
You struck a chord in me that wasn't
ever meant to be heard, and
by the time I get to the last verse
you'll be left with your lips slurred
tongue tied and vision blured
I tried to sentence yall to life, cuz
your allegations were absurd
so instead of tear drop from a tat gun
your sentence is now deferred
I'll never forget what you've done,
but....
Chorus:
I forgive you all
for all that you've done
I'm just not the one
Forever
Somethings just aren't to be
through tragedy eyes
maybe then we'll see
that it's all just
Infatuation
Through thick and thin
right or wrong
somedays are short
somedays are long
searching for something more than
Expectation
Verse 2:
I've tried to understand your side
for the longest time
It's like starring out a curtained window
guess thats why they call them blinds
I always say that i've never felt like this before
but then just comes another whore
to take my heart
while im yellin please dont break it
Four years of my life is gone
She took it all and ignored my calls
all that I had to live for was dying
and as she took my heart and crushed it
caught her with another guy, busted
man I'm just sick
of all the the lying
Charades is just a game we play
the images that they protrayed
were in fact just like the rest, the same
couldnt accept the cheating and the blame
all of you should be ashamed
for your actions
and for my pain
cause I was left behind while
you mascaraded
should throw you like a fan through an alley
spiralying down a dark path valley
and let you see how it feels
to be jeopardized like that
being chased by the past
like it's a race
and I will out-last
and if you're in-one, I will out-run
I'll never forget what you've done,
but....
Chorus:
I forgive you all
for all that you've done
I'm just not the one
Forever
Somethings just aren't to be
through tragedy eyes
maybe then we'll see
that it's all just
Infatuation
Through thick and thin
right or wrong
somedays are short
somedays are long
searching for something more than
Expectation
Verse 3:
Every storie's a little different
from plot-line, setting to location
from levels of admirations
to superman reincarnations
life in smallville
with a Kent family blood relation
A word of advice now
and i'll let the rest decide whats true
just stop makin' like a lightbulb
only turned on with a screw
but you were the kind I feel for
I'll forgive myself for that too
maybe I cared for all the wrong reasons
a little bit more desperate
through each passing season
I forgive you for your lack of truancy
I forgive you for your high treason
I even forgive you for not wanting to watch Burt Reynolds
and Jackie Gleason
I forgive you waisting my time and my money
for putting stress fractures on my cranium
Reminiscent of the boxer Gene Tunney
I forgive you for using god as an excuse
for your leave of absense
He can judge you for that
and thats the ultimate line of defense
I forgive you for getting married
cause that highway we were headed on
never got us anywhere but opinions varied
I forgive you for forgetting about me
but where are you now?
I have a bachelors and soon to be masters degree
I forgive you for getting pregant
by a different man and having a son
but i'll never, ever, forget what you all have done,
but...
Chorus:
I forgive you all
for all that you've done
I'm just not the one
Forever
Somethings just aren't to be
through tragedy eyes
maybe then we'll see
that it's all just
Infatuation
Through thick and thin
right or wrong
somedays are short
somedays are long
searching for something more than
Expectation
I forgive you all
The Golden Rule states,
"Treat others how you want to be treated"
So that's just what they'd get
If there wasn't any silver lining
Verse 1:
More chapters than pages
a novel not yet written
still pieces together the stages
on a semi-blank sheet of paper
with scratch marks in trashcans
full of crumbled up ink stains
left to evaporate like water vapor
having a hard time writin' sweet
when all I taste is sour
thoughts races a hundred miles an hour
without a concept of when to swerve
Not a coward
I can't think of a perfect way to word it
it's got to serve a purpose
my intentions are to strike a nerve, it's
what I observe, and
what all you deserve
You struck a chord in me that wasn't
ever meant to be heard, and
by the time I get to the last verse
you'll be left with your lips slurred
tongue tied and vision blured
I tried to sentence yall to life, cuz
your allegations were absurd
so instead of tear drop from a tat gun
your sentence is now deferred
I'll never forget what you've done,
but....
Chorus:
I forgive you all
for all that you've done
I'm just not the one
Forever
Somethings just aren't to be
through tragedy eyes
maybe then we'll see
that it's all just
Infatuation
Through thick and thin
right or wrong
somedays are short
somedays are long
searching for something more than
Expectation
Verse 2:
I've tried to understand your side
for the longest time
It's like starring out a curtained window
guess thats why they call them blinds
I always say that i've never felt like this before
but then just comes another whore
to take my heart
while im yellin please dont break it
Four years of my life is gone
She took it all and ignored my calls
all that I had to live for was dying
and as she took my heart and crushed it
caught her with another guy, busted
man I'm just sick
of all the the lying
Charades is just a game we play
the images that they protrayed
were in fact just like the rest, the same
couldnt accept the cheating and the blame
all of you should be ashamed
for your actions
and for my pain
cause I was left behind while
you mascaraded
should throw you like a fan through an alley
spiralying down a dark path valley
and let you see how it feels
to be jeopardized like that
being chased by the past
like it's a race
and I will out-last
and if you're in-one, I will out-run
I'll never forget what you've done,
but....
Chorus:
I forgive you all
for all that you've done
I'm just not the one
Forever
Somethings just aren't to be
through tragedy eyes
maybe then we'll see
that it's all just
Infatuation
Through thick and thin
right or wrong
somedays are short
somedays are long
searching for something more than
Expectation
Verse 3:
Every storie's a little different
from plot-line, setting to location
from levels of admirations
to superman reincarnations
life in smallville
with a Kent family blood relation
A word of advice now
and i'll let the rest decide whats true
just stop makin' like a lightbulb
only turned on with a screw
but you were the kind I feel for
I'll forgive myself for that too
maybe I cared for all the wrong reasons
a little bit more desperate
through each passing season
I forgive you for your lack of truancy
I forgive you for your high treason
I even forgive you for not wanting to watch Burt Reynolds
and Jackie Gleason
I forgive you waisting my time and my money
for putting stress fractures on my cranium
Reminiscent of the boxer Gene Tunney
I forgive you for using god as an excuse
for your leave of absense
He can judge you for that
and thats the ultimate line of defense
I forgive you for getting married
cause that highway we were headed on
never got us anywhere but opinions varied
I forgive you for forgetting about me
but where are you now?
I have a bachelors and soon to be masters degree
I forgive you for getting pregant
by a different man and having a son
but i'll never, ever, forget what you all have done,
but...
Chorus:
I forgive you all
for all that you've done
I'm just not the one
Forever
Somethings just aren't to be
through tragedy eyes
maybe then we'll see
that it's all just
Infatuation
Through thick and thin
right or wrong
somedays are short
somedays are long
searching for something more than
Expectation
I forgive you all
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Tunnel Vision
Hey, it's me again. It's amazing what all a drive around town can do for one's comprehension. Everywhere you look you are reminded of all the places you've encountered while growing up, along with the constant change that comes with that. Streetlights are everywhere, flashing and flickering at times because their star is about to run out. However differing from space, there is no black hole with them, a simple light bulb will mend them new. Don't you wish life were the same sometimes? For when your light burns out, you simply replace it with a new one. Sounds good in theory.
Unsure about what comes next but I know the key is some sort of contentment. Happiness in the form of being ok with my life and the nature of my very existence. I've been called a negative nancy far to many times for me to shrung it off and pretend i'm not. I know I am, but how can I change? One step at a time is what I've alluded to, and it can't involve a girl or a car either to help bridge the gap of darkness to light. The more I focus on relationships, the more irritable my condition gets and the more I tend to push them away. The entire time they think its them without me placing a single finger of blame. The fact of the matter is, it's me. I know it's all me, but that doesnt stop my actions from taking a toll on any of them. I probabley scar them very deeply, not with actions, but with words. My greatest strength, is also my greatest threat. Self-consciously probably wanting them to know how it feels to be me.
Starting to see things a bit more clearly, the more I open up to someone. They aren't any person of interest to me, but of value none the less. I've gained the ability to control my anger, albeit just a bit. Focusing on the future no more, but only on the present. I've been snuck in this rut so long that I still haven't fully developed into an adult. I'm aware of this, but my maturation is nothing short of anyones journey. Growing up is easy, it's proving to everyone else that you are is the hard part. You can't speak your mind, truthfully, without people calling you a child or demanding one to grow up. Nor can you speak without a censor of they'll begin to question your vocabulary. For that, I crack a smile. Because although theres people out there who will you bring you down to their level, there are also people that want to bring you up to their's. People tend to forget that everything goes both ways.
Disconcerning threats and fears cause us all to do things we normally wouldnt do. Im not sure if its the hormones, estrogen, or endorphins that cause these anomolies but it happens. It's science, anatomy 101 for all you scholars. But what causes fear? What causes someone to react so defensively, when a simple question is approached to them. I know everything isn't just black or white, but even the lightist shade of grey is closer to black. I seek answers, dont we all? I've started to write people off who can't answer anything more intelligent than, "I dont know." Whats the point of speaking to someone of such indesciveness? I'll tell you why. We think with our hearts most of the time and not with our brain. We all know we shouldnt, but what real control do we have over our feelings? None
During these moments of clarity, each individual experience is different. Whether it be the car you are driving or the instruments radiating from the speakers. What is it about lyrics that transform us into a different person. Music causes us all to have bi polar tendencies. Going from happy to sad with the transition of songs. From an upbeat Rihanna to a nearly teary eyed Adele, we as humans change emotionally. And through the ruckus and annoying teenagers rummeging through town in there loud mustangs or rice rocket honda's, the music keeps you at peace. The lyrics speak to you. And in that brief three to four minutes, you are lost in another world of narnia.
Speed can also do many things for the human soul. It causes brief moments of intense meditation and solitude that leave your ora in a peaceful, yet dangerous and compelling state of being. Even in the darkness of night, you can see light peeking through at the end of the tunnel. Whether it be a streetlight, a stop light, or a hospital in the distance. Whether it be flashlights of all the people you have hurt, still searching for what they've lost. Whatever you see, it''s there. The brain is no smarter that what our eyes tell it we see. And although the streetlights remind us of memories passing by, to our mind they are nothing more than a spectrum of non emotional colors. But to our hearts, they are much more than that. Each one respresents another road that our journey could have taken us, and before you know it it's gone. In the end there are no more lights, well except maybe one.
Tunnel Vision
Unsure about what comes next but I know the key is some sort of contentment. Happiness in the form of being ok with my life and the nature of my very existence. I've been called a negative nancy far to many times for me to shrung it off and pretend i'm not. I know I am, but how can I change? One step at a time is what I've alluded to, and it can't involve a girl or a car either to help bridge the gap of darkness to light. The more I focus on relationships, the more irritable my condition gets and the more I tend to push them away. The entire time they think its them without me placing a single finger of blame. The fact of the matter is, it's me. I know it's all me, but that doesnt stop my actions from taking a toll on any of them. I probabley scar them very deeply, not with actions, but with words. My greatest strength, is also my greatest threat. Self-consciously probably wanting them to know how it feels to be me.
Starting to see things a bit more clearly, the more I open up to someone. They aren't any person of interest to me, but of value none the less. I've gained the ability to control my anger, albeit just a bit. Focusing on the future no more, but only on the present. I've been snuck in this rut so long that I still haven't fully developed into an adult. I'm aware of this, but my maturation is nothing short of anyones journey. Growing up is easy, it's proving to everyone else that you are is the hard part. You can't speak your mind, truthfully, without people calling you a child or demanding one to grow up. Nor can you speak without a censor of they'll begin to question your vocabulary. For that, I crack a smile. Because although theres people out there who will you bring you down to their level, there are also people that want to bring you up to their's. People tend to forget that everything goes both ways.
Disconcerning threats and fears cause us all to do things we normally wouldnt do. Im not sure if its the hormones, estrogen, or endorphins that cause these anomolies but it happens. It's science, anatomy 101 for all you scholars. But what causes fear? What causes someone to react so defensively, when a simple question is approached to them. I know everything isn't just black or white, but even the lightist shade of grey is closer to black. I seek answers, dont we all? I've started to write people off who can't answer anything more intelligent than, "I dont know." Whats the point of speaking to someone of such indesciveness? I'll tell you why. We think with our hearts most of the time and not with our brain. We all know we shouldnt, but what real control do we have over our feelings? None
During these moments of clarity, each individual experience is different. Whether it be the car you are driving or the instruments radiating from the speakers. What is it about lyrics that transform us into a different person. Music causes us all to have bi polar tendencies. Going from happy to sad with the transition of songs. From an upbeat Rihanna to a nearly teary eyed Adele, we as humans change emotionally. And through the ruckus and annoying teenagers rummeging through town in there loud mustangs or rice rocket honda's, the music keeps you at peace. The lyrics speak to you. And in that brief three to four minutes, you are lost in another world of narnia.
Speed can also do many things for the human soul. It causes brief moments of intense meditation and solitude that leave your ora in a peaceful, yet dangerous and compelling state of being. Even in the darkness of night, you can see light peeking through at the end of the tunnel. Whether it be a streetlight, a stop light, or a hospital in the distance. Whether it be flashlights of all the people you have hurt, still searching for what they've lost. Whatever you see, it''s there. The brain is no smarter that what our eyes tell it we see. And although the streetlights remind us of memories passing by, to our mind they are nothing more than a spectrum of non emotional colors. But to our hearts, they are much more than that. Each one respresents another road that our journey could have taken us, and before you know it it's gone. In the end there are no more lights, well except maybe one.
Tunnel Vision
Friday, November 18, 2011
Can't Back Down
Intro:
After he was exiled, he came back, it was something they never, ever, had seen before.
He had like the mountains, and thousands of people behind him, and came back,
With the strength of a thousand men, and all I remember is, all I remember,
Is they were chanting, in almost a whisper, LET THEM HAVE IT, and let nothing, nothing, hold you back...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 1:
Writers block has ceased, assisted by this beast,
That’s emerged from inside, but he's about to say his peace.
Typin this to the beat of lose yourself by eminem,
Pledging im never gonna fall for your type again,
She says its all in my head and im slowly going insane,
Or maybe it’s the message that my eyes are sending my brain,
Don’t be giving advice if you can't psychologize anatomy,
That’s not only sad to see, you're malpractice is a tragedy,
You're illusion of slander, was my delusion of grander,
But I saw your pollution of candor, with the resolution of a camera,
And this what I speak is the story of my life
Damaged by that preverbal knife, but lookin back with no end in sight
I don’t see things positive, because things are always negative,
Or maybe im just positive, that everything’s gonna be negative,
But that’s no way to live, writing this emotional spectrum, like roygbiv
Especially when blessed with lyrics that flow like the riv
Call me Jason Bourne, cause I’ve lost my identity,
It’s floatin away at sea into the infinity,
See just what exactly what you did to me,
All I wanted from you was some answers with sincerity,
But all I got from u was agony and misery,
But it’s uplifting me; tales from the bible are my serenity,
and the sin in me, prayed away with blessings of your blasphemy
The tornado has came, and you’re the one who causes that catastrophe
Realization is, that you’re not only the best kind of motivation
But inspiration brought the strongest out of me through hard work and dedication,
Validation is, Im back with a menacing declaration,
Osama's lucky I didn’t find him, he'd feel the wrath of vindication,
And now the blood in my veins are flowing warmer than ever,
Ill never get over you, whatever, that nevers been severed,
2 weeks have gone by, missed the idea of you,
Realizing the idea of you was a misconception untrue
And don’t think for one second that this is about you know who
Because you’re dead to me, and you’re unfaithful to you
With no credit to spew, cause heres the rebirth of something new
My engine up and blew, but you can’t stop me from what I do
Broken down hard, like an old muscle car,
But built back up with more horsepower than 458 Ferrar
And yes, Im with a doubt over you now,
Destroyed those ice cycles with a snow plow,
Oh wow, that last sad song just got raped by the violin bow.
So until the second verse hits, Chow, Im out
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
Keep on going you just got to fight it
Keep on going cause it’s not to late
You can’t back down, You can’t back down
Keep on going you just got to fight it
Keep on going cause it’s never to late
You can’t back down, You can’t back down
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
I feel, I feel just the same
Different, the fingers won’t take the pain
When you're wrapped up in arms and legs
Like forgetting those familiar ways,
When it feels so natural, so unexplainable,
Oh so refreshing and irreplaceable
But now that’s gone, and this is where im at
Don’t be surprised by how I act, cause this is where im at
How dare you tell me you miss me, when all I do is wish we
Coulda remained together, but now u are public enemy
This isn't what I chose, Im not the one who left
But I am the one who fell for you from the first moment that we met
And don’t tell me what you deserve; I don’t care what you deserve,
all I had was love for you, now all I have is anger in reserve,
And this is my lyrically therapy, or so it seems
Or maybe im just sewin seams to patch up what it really means
And don’t tell me what I can and can’t say on any day
I don’t care who reads this, I speak nothing but the truth anyway
Im not the one with lies, but ill admit you got tears flowin from my eyes
But now those sockets are dry, water in the ground, like those busted up railroad ties
Yeah
I was loyal, but all that turmoil, made me turn all that mud into soil,
And it was you that I spoiled, but Im the one curled up in my bed all coiled
But I started listening to that song by BeBe Boogz
Wanting you back more than anything, but no choice to be old news
And I slowly got my appetite back, eatin my protein snack
Slippin on those gloves, just to hear my knuckles go crack
Feelin this beat, shadow boxin in the street
Another 2 more weeks and ill have hit my peak
And as I speak, the answers are what I seek
But I don’t expect to find them, but I can expect to rhyme them
And time them, and mime them, and shine them and climb them
Mountains, plains, hills, pains, whatever you put in front of me ill tear to shame
Eff the game, eff you lame, eff your name, eff the dame, and eff the train
That’s ridin off, into the sunset, bathing suit, ocean wet, nostalgic net
full of memories, full of hopes, full of dreams, full of mopes, full of beams
Of light that shine so very bright, in the sky, in the night, up so high, want to fight
Everybody, everywhere, I aint scared, I don’t care, whatever it is, I can bare
Im stronger, and your wronger, and what’s been instilled in me is....Hunger.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
Keep on going you just got to fight it
Keep on going cause its not to late
You can’t back down, You can’t back down
Keep on going you just got to fight it
Keep on going cause its never to late
You can’t back down, You can’t back down
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Maybe Im just dreaming like Nelly
Or maybe ive just been watching to much damn Tele
Wanting some fantasy relationship like Zach and Kelly
Oh those good old days watching Saved by the Belly
But now Im not happy because of the shit that’s been thrown at me
And yeah Im a little bit snappy, And I’m even a little bit sappy
Cause I woke up with more thoughts of you today
Contemplating headphones to drown those thoughts of you away
I even deleted my facebook cause I didn’t want people knowing it was official
I tried everything I possibly could to dodge that missile
Let me just be real with you guys for one second
Even after all this, I’d take this girl back in a heartbeat I recon
I spend more time getting over relationships than actually being in them
Spend more time praying for what I want than I do my own sin
And this song isn’t mean to hurt anyone, just become a valuable lesson
Just show some affection, it would be a valuable progression
Don’t pull away and let it go down like the recession
Because that’s only going to lead to more transgression
So this was the minimal I could diss you
Subliminally I think criminal instinct kissed you
I love you, mentally and physically I miss you
And if the grass is greener over there, then I guess it got burnt too
But im not going to wait for you to make your mind up
Hurry up, I’ve about had enough, and this gravels getting rough
You tell me there’s a fine line between asshole and confidence
There’s a fine line between jealously and hurtfulness
Well Im saying there’s a fine line between war and loveliness
Pot meet kettle, damn im still fighting this loneliness.
Im putting this pen to pad because of this girl
Would have gave her everything, diamonds and pearls
My entire world, cancelled, just like my name is earl
Makes me so sick all I could do is bend over and hurl
I begged please don’t go, please don’t go
You did and you left, didn’t think you’d go that low
But I’ll show them in my darkest hour I can shine bright
And on a YouTube life compilation, maybe you’ll just be a highlight
Just so you know, a major guards up now, Teflon vest on my chest
Think you’ll find someone better than me? Nah im better than the rest
And all these scattered thoughts are my last will and testament
My body armors up, but im telling you to make a dint
Cause I don’t want this call to be dropped, switchin to sprint
Here's a hint, dont go 40 days without me, cause I dont care for lint
And maybe her being gone hasn't registered yet
but my legacy she will never forget
i'll never forget...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
Keep on going you just got to fight it
Keep on going cause its not to late
You can’t back down, You can’t back down
Keep on going you just got to fight it
Keep on going cause its never to late
You can’t back down, You can’t back down
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outro:
Ya know, I say alot of things I dont mean, but I also say alot of things I do mean.
We all have are issues, We all lose loved ones, but its how we cope with those things
that determine how we come back. You're stronger than you think, I promise you you are.
Time heals all wounds and you'll come back better than ever. This is my advice to anyone
that has trouble dealing, just write it down, and read it for yourself, it gives things a brand
new outlook. Have fun with it, and enjoy your life, and know that the right person may be
right around the corner. And sometimes, just sometimes, when you care about someone
so much and you them go, they come back. Do you know why they come back?
Because they finally realize how amazing you really are. But heres the thing, even if they
dont come back, you're still amazing to someone, be patient, I know its hard, but we'll get
through it together. You're not alone and I'm no longer afraid. I confided in my friends,
boxing, cars. Im better than ever now, but I still do miss her. I still do miss you.
The Ex-File
Verse 1:
This is the message my friend, this isn’t the end
It’s a cataclysmic event, called psychologic revenge
For this saga to end, another chapter must begin
For a boy to become a man, must be accepted as, a-men
Visualizing certainty, but swimming in a sea of doubt
And you’re about to learn a valuable lesson bout
This verbal assault, im taking it out on piece of paper
Brushin my shoulders off, relinquishing all the haters
Cuz these aren’t just words to me, this is golf to me
What you’re about to read is what I feel to a tee
No exaggerations anymore, no more stupid metaphors,
The glass was half full, but now that waters on the floor,
Empty, the glass is now kinda how I am as a man
I’d rather not give a f*ck, but im one to give a damn,
I’ll never be the guy that plays hard to get, or treat girls like sh*t,
Those are the type of guys that are on my hit list,
I’m not one to play games with any of you lames
You’re in no position to judge me, I don’t need to change
But I did…
And I just want to make one thing clear
Don’t just skim what I write, open up your ears
I didn’t change for you, sh*t, I changed for me
The emotional pain was to much for me to take physically
And I say this cynic-ly, like a viper spewin Hennessey
Burnin when I open my eyes, I wasn’t seein things vividly
So I’m splashin water on my face, to disperse the venom
But its already leaked into my blood, affecting my system
Guess im paying the price now because it’s taking its toll
We’ll call it the venomous mole, because it’s digging a hole
These are just the cards that im dealt, contemplating to bluff or to fold
I’ve turned into a bad beer cause I’ve aged bitter and cold,
Because when sweetness isn’t appreciated, personality gets tweaked
To form a new person, a new beginning, a new physique
And the weights build muscle tissue that cover up the weak
It’s my armor, my guard, hiding behind these verses that I speak
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-File
Verse 2:
Back against the ropes like Ali in Zaire
Wearing Pacquiao's shorts imbranded No fear
Persevere is the action of overcoming the severe
When you feel like the beginning is gone and the end is near
So I’m burying my soul in my materialistic obsessions
Only money can buy things that are guaranteed possessions
Because you can’t make someone care, but you can make someone not
And for this disgusting theory, I spit on, and I hope you rot
You never asked me how I was, when my aunty died
Yet u were there for your ex when he falsely cried suicide
Imma be honest, that really pisses me off inside
And I’ll be damned if I should just put those feelings aside
That’s the last time I ever use someone to try and confide
Cause all you get are lies, denies, and Jekyll and Hyde,
So eff a second chance, this is the 3rd person Lance
This is the ground that im standing, not moving from this stance
I’ll never let someone rip the passion out me
Try and you’ll get burned, not to the 3rd, but fourth degree
You know what they call people that are fake, a fraud
And I applaud your act, you dishonest jawed façade
This will be the last time I ever waste my ink on us
Cause there’s no more us, cause there was never any trust
And that’s not on you, that’s on everyone before
All the lies, cheats, hoes, sluts and all them whores
And im big enough to admit you didn’t deserve that end of the stick
But if I meant enough to you, you woulda stuck thru the thick
And I may be acting like a prick, but you deserve nothing more than a d*ck
Because to me all you are is just another sad and confused little chick
I cant believe I ever wondered what I had done wrong
I cant even believe im still writing of you in this freakin song
Putting my life into words, telling stories with rhymes
Running out of things to say but ill never be a mime
Still searching for that perfect line to make me change my mind
But everytime I rhyme I feel im running out of time
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-file
Verse 3:
Truth is….
I still look at your photograph, and remember all the times that we’d laugh
And on a scale of one to ten, it’s un-measurable on that graph
But how you gonna lay there and tell me about your past
Like you really wanted out relationship to freakin last
So now it’s easier for me to talk to u from my notebook,
Cuz you’re not talking back, and it’s easier for me not to look,
And so far, no girl can come close to fill your gap
But that’s not meant to put a feather in your cap
Our lives have taken us on changing lanes in different ways
That’s why god created us all with different strands of DNA
Some look for hope in the newspapers section of astrology
I had hope in loving you flawlessly, but
You asked for space, and I gave you astronomy
If you had asked for a lake, I would have gave you the sea
But then you wanted a compromise, conversations we had a thousand times,
But I won’t just be your friend, that idea that I despise
You see I got you figured out; you’re a lot like physics
Because I analyzed you like those ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics
You’re like a broken vending machine that I once yearned
Takes all my hard earned, and gives me nothing in return
But I finally got something back when I realized this was over
It wasn’t a new beginning, what it was, complete closure
You were like my drug, but once again sober
Getting rid of these weeds, like a ridin lawn mower
So I guess something’s are left better unsaid
And some relationships are left better off dead
So this documentation is going in a room full of file folders
Thinkin’ of starting an ex file, case agent, Mulder
Because this is an unsolved mystery, lock it and throw away key
And I’ve been singing this stuff for about a quarter century
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-File
Verse 4 (last one):
Unlike a nail, screwed and never got to enjoy it
Same routine, not my dream, I better destroy it
No matter what I did, it was never good enough
Wonder why I always tried to be good enough
Couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t ever good enough
So now I’m going to be alot better than good enough.
Stealin those words from Joe Budden of Slaughterhouse
Dressed up today in my Ralph Lauren and Levi Strause
Cologne sprayed on with the scent of Giorgio Armani
More concerned about me than anymore of them hotties
And some may think that im a walking contradiction
I say all works of art are derived from fictional nonfiction
But today, im starting my own maturation
So I ignore them, and continue my dedication
First thing to do is admit my imperfections,
But that will never stop me from striving for perfection
And as my heart beat races, need medications and prescriptions
This isn’t something that you’d find in a men’s health subscription
And if you cant figure it out, these lyrics are my invention
And their intention, is to relieve me of my own intuition
So let me leave you with this, let me meet your expectations
Before you turn this off and start screamin profound degradations
But just be forewarned that this is me speakin of damages
Soldiered up for war, yeah, getcha effin bandages
Cause I got a message to all you pathological liars
Hope you get the karma of a Jason and Michael Myers
You cause a missin heart to be hung up on flyers
Keep printin off more, ink wheel spinnin like tires
Lost and never found, striking out, no pitchers mound
Buyin notebooks by the pound so my words don’t make a sound
Breakin lonely down, and you get a lone lie
Which is one to many to make a heart die
My intentions aren’t to pry but to sympathize
To all that’s been a victim of a bad surprise
And to the giver of that news I antagonize
Telling all the unfaithfuls to create platinum skies
By letting your rings drift up with the butterflies
Up into the reflection of ocean tides created by lone-ly cries
And this is the last memory ill share on this series
Cause I don’t consider this a song, I consider it my stories
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-File
This is the message my friend, this isn’t the end
It’s a cataclysmic event, called psychologic revenge
For this saga to end, another chapter must begin
For a boy to become a man, must be accepted as, a-men
Visualizing certainty, but swimming in a sea of doubt
And you’re about to learn a valuable lesson bout
This verbal assault, im taking it out on piece of paper
Brushin my shoulders off, relinquishing all the haters
Cuz these aren’t just words to me, this is golf to me
What you’re about to read is what I feel to a tee
No exaggerations anymore, no more stupid metaphors,
The glass was half full, but now that waters on the floor,
Empty, the glass is now kinda how I am as a man
I’d rather not give a f*ck, but im one to give a damn,
I’ll never be the guy that plays hard to get, or treat girls like sh*t,
Those are the type of guys that are on my hit list,
I’m not one to play games with any of you lames
You’re in no position to judge me, I don’t need to change
But I did…
And I just want to make one thing clear
Don’t just skim what I write, open up your ears
I didn’t change for you, sh*t, I changed for me
The emotional pain was to much for me to take physically
And I say this cynic-ly, like a viper spewin Hennessey
Burnin when I open my eyes, I wasn’t seein things vividly
So I’m splashin water on my face, to disperse the venom
But its already leaked into my blood, affecting my system
Guess im paying the price now because it’s taking its toll
We’ll call it the venomous mole, because it’s digging a hole
These are just the cards that im dealt, contemplating to bluff or to fold
I’ve turned into a bad beer cause I’ve aged bitter and cold,
Because when sweetness isn’t appreciated, personality gets tweaked
To form a new person, a new beginning, a new physique
And the weights build muscle tissue that cover up the weak
It’s my armor, my guard, hiding behind these verses that I speak
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-File
Verse 2:
Back against the ropes like Ali in Zaire
Wearing Pacquiao's shorts imbranded No fear
Persevere is the action of overcoming the severe
When you feel like the beginning is gone and the end is near
So I’m burying my soul in my materialistic obsessions
Only money can buy things that are guaranteed possessions
Because you can’t make someone care, but you can make someone not
And for this disgusting theory, I spit on, and I hope you rot
You never asked me how I was, when my aunty died
Yet u were there for your ex when he falsely cried suicide
Imma be honest, that really pisses me off inside
And I’ll be damned if I should just put those feelings aside
That’s the last time I ever use someone to try and confide
Cause all you get are lies, denies, and Jekyll and Hyde,
So eff a second chance, this is the 3rd person Lance
This is the ground that im standing, not moving from this stance
I’ll never let someone rip the passion out me
Try and you’ll get burned, not to the 3rd, but fourth degree
You know what they call people that are fake, a fraud
And I applaud your act, you dishonest jawed façade
This will be the last time I ever waste my ink on us
Cause there’s no more us, cause there was never any trust
And that’s not on you, that’s on everyone before
All the lies, cheats, hoes, sluts and all them whores
And im big enough to admit you didn’t deserve that end of the stick
But if I meant enough to you, you woulda stuck thru the thick
And I may be acting like a prick, but you deserve nothing more than a d*ck
Because to me all you are is just another sad and confused little chick
I cant believe I ever wondered what I had done wrong
I cant even believe im still writing of you in this freakin song
Putting my life into words, telling stories with rhymes
Running out of things to say but ill never be a mime
Still searching for that perfect line to make me change my mind
But everytime I rhyme I feel im running out of time
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-file
Verse 3:
Truth is….
I still look at your photograph, and remember all the times that we’d laugh
And on a scale of one to ten, it’s un-measurable on that graph
But how you gonna lay there and tell me about your past
Like you really wanted out relationship to freakin last
So now it’s easier for me to talk to u from my notebook,
Cuz you’re not talking back, and it’s easier for me not to look,
And so far, no girl can come close to fill your gap
But that’s not meant to put a feather in your cap
Our lives have taken us on changing lanes in different ways
That’s why god created us all with different strands of DNA
Some look for hope in the newspapers section of astrology
I had hope in loving you flawlessly, but
You asked for space, and I gave you astronomy
If you had asked for a lake, I would have gave you the sea
But then you wanted a compromise, conversations we had a thousand times,
But I won’t just be your friend, that idea that I despise
You see I got you figured out; you’re a lot like physics
Because I analyzed you like those ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics
You’re like a broken vending machine that I once yearned
Takes all my hard earned, and gives me nothing in return
But I finally got something back when I realized this was over
It wasn’t a new beginning, what it was, complete closure
You were like my drug, but once again sober
Getting rid of these weeds, like a ridin lawn mower
So I guess something’s are left better unsaid
And some relationships are left better off dead
So this documentation is going in a room full of file folders
Thinkin’ of starting an ex file, case agent, Mulder
Because this is an unsolved mystery, lock it and throw away key
And I’ve been singing this stuff for about a quarter century
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-File
Verse 4 (last one):
Unlike a nail, screwed and never got to enjoy it
Same routine, not my dream, I better destroy it
No matter what I did, it was never good enough
Wonder why I always tried to be good enough
Couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t ever good enough
So now I’m going to be alot better than good enough.
Stealin those words from Joe Budden of Slaughterhouse
Dressed up today in my Ralph Lauren and Levi Strause
Cologne sprayed on with the scent of Giorgio Armani
More concerned about me than anymore of them hotties
And some may think that im a walking contradiction
I say all works of art are derived from fictional nonfiction
But today, im starting my own maturation
So I ignore them, and continue my dedication
First thing to do is admit my imperfections,
But that will never stop me from striving for perfection
And as my heart beat races, need medications and prescriptions
This isn’t something that you’d find in a men’s health subscription
And if you cant figure it out, these lyrics are my invention
And their intention, is to relieve me of my own intuition
So let me leave you with this, let me meet your expectations
Before you turn this off and start screamin profound degradations
But just be forewarned that this is me speakin of damages
Soldiered up for war, yeah, getcha effin bandages
Cause I got a message to all you pathological liars
Hope you get the karma of a Jason and Michael Myers
You cause a missin heart to be hung up on flyers
Keep printin off more, ink wheel spinnin like tires
Lost and never found, striking out, no pitchers mound
Buyin notebooks by the pound so my words don’t make a sound
Breakin lonely down, and you get a lone lie
Which is one to many to make a heart die
My intentions aren’t to pry but to sympathize
To all that’s been a victim of a bad surprise
And to the giver of that news I antagonize
Telling all the unfaithfuls to create platinum skies
By letting your rings drift up with the butterflies
Up into the reflection of ocean tides created by lone-ly cries
And this is the last memory ill share on this series
Cause I don’t consider this a song, I consider it my stories
Hook:
I got a pocket full of money
A closet full of cloths
Garages full of toys
And a life that I chose
This is the path that I lead
The only path that I know
People shower me with hatred
Yet its envy that they show
The Ex-File
Sky full of Lighters (Sample)
Verse 1:
By the time you hear this, you've already got the notion
that my words flow like the ocean in perpetual motion
and i know royce and em already bodied this instrumental
but im hear to make it a little more sentimental
not about to make this a poem without complexity
because my integrity stems from a place you'll never be
i was brought up, raise right, and never wrong
and when the record played, this was the only song
that i heard, every word, no grey, just black and white
I guess it made me see things differently inspite
all the other opinions that confronted me with confliction
soon realized that wasn't a personality trait for my addition
So I learned to keep my mouth shut when it was best
takin my anger out on my heavybag, and off my chest
it went away and till this day I can say
that it worked for a short time but i can no longer play
with these words and these thoughts and these feelings
they have been piling up for awhile, knees need some kneelings
and just as eminems evil and royce da 5'9 is bad
im tellin the story of the broad way ballet that I once had
I'm a straight version of swan lake, gettin closer to the black swan
white ones shortly fadin, score is u, zero...natalie portman, 1
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
This ones for you and me
living out our dreams
we are right where we should be
with my arms out wide, I open my eyes
and now, all I want to see
is a sky full of lighters
a sky full of lighters...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
Havent been writin lately, struggelin with inspiration
2 different sides of me got me struggelin with relation
2 different spirits got me contemplating retaliation
but my 2 boys keep sayin let them haters keep hatin
but why they always gotta try and figure me out
if she tell me Im not what she thought, I might just shout
cuz this games gettin older, and im gettin older
and it seems the more I grow colder, the more weights on my shoulder
and I say that in the singular form cuz it feels like ones missin
It got to heavy and collapsed, that bitch wouldnt listen,
So I shoot up some novacane to numb the pain, its a gain
because it stops me from spinnin off this planet and going insane
speaking of planets, I'd rather be an interplanetary mane
Chillin with the aliens, we'll call it the EBE game
which stands for extraterrestrial biological entity
Buzz light year,yeah, we'll be doing it till inifity
and when my intensity comes back to this rap its a wrap
already plottin my next line, like destination on a map
Given up on GPS, always fightin with that fake woman
the way she tries to control me, I might as well marry that woman
and that was a little joke, so laugh but dont choke
about to end this verse like a hoe's panties, get soaked
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
This ones for you and me
living out our dreams
we are right where we should be
with my arms out wide, I open my eyes
and now, all I want to see
is a sky full of lighters
a sky full of lighters...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Im sorry if that last line may have insulted your intelligence
but my words on fire, I been eatin' some hell-a-mints
about to annihilate the haters, scientifically destruct 'em with the elements
no not the name brand, but this is my last will and testement
like bruno mars was sayin, I want sky full of lighters
no longer in my nightmares do I want a sky full of spiders
terrying my dreams, seems like life to me for a sec
but I wake up, refreshed, yawnin what the heck?
Puttin on the ralph lauren, gettin ready for work
Hoppin in the Vette, I be ballin like Dirk
Heads turnin as Im on my way, and today is just another day
in the life and times of TLA, and you are not me so watch what you say
And yeah, I may only be five nine in glasses
but lets not forget Mike tyson was 5'9 and kicked asses
so dont judge a book by its cover you little prick
or yall gonna get waxed, like the end of my Q-tip
Rosebud
Intro:
Through all the problems in our world
Im reminded of one singular object
That keeps me grounded and gives me strength
She is the Citizen to my Kane
She is my Rosebud
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 1:
Trecherous waters got me demoralized with future daughters
and bringing them into this world full of creeps and all the slaughters,
Vanquished by the inevitable struggles of what they must have taught were
that fog and that mist of unsettling hate was brought upon her
Or maybe my hindsight is messed up worse than my peripheral
astigmatism causin cataracts that are dismissable
but by my admission that fusion must fision within this mission
causes plutonium to burn into the retinas of my vision
but with the economy going to shit that you can't convey
its blowing up faster than OKC could say Tim Mcvay
can't afford to visit the beachs of bombay with your fiance
These birds of pray disarray are a reminder of judgement day
Yeah the grass is always greener on the other side
becuase its land scaped, mowed, etched, and fertilized
while your stuck in life that seems full of dried thoughts of suicide
getting through with only headphones blarring choppers worldwide
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
You cant comprehend the meaning of life until you taste it
and I cant understand how this society makes it
digger deeper from this junk yard full of toxic waste, it
doesnt seem to be getting better from this landfill I submit, you got make shit
Monetary value has sky rocketed upon the height of apollo
tax brackets judged on the income of the poor and hollow
with the rich so far ahead theres no room for you to follow
left to swallow thier pride and rot in the hells of sorrow
Fillin up with 99 cent gas, we're all livin in the past
When did gas go up 3 more dollars, I'm payin out the ass
I know this world has stoplights to keep you from going to fast
but make sure you drive a nice car when the cameras flash
So you can hang it on your wall as somewhat of a momento
Just to keep your feats on beat and ride out to the Tempo
And when the world order sends you an email and you print the memo
We'll come pick you up in our chariots and red limo's
and I know that the speedlimit is 35 to keep the world of track
and the policeman around the corner is just there to get a pay check
maybe if he chases me a little longer he'll get into a wreck
And we can all fly executive together to Quebec
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Gettin lost in the desert storm, just call it the operation
got my guns, ammo, missles, about to up my reputation
and this is my declaration to ingnite the pre-requisation
dont understand me wrong, intellectuality is my inner intimidation
The heat just makes me anticipate the snow
so my soul grows futher into it's comfort zone
cold and and somewhat unknown to the depths of the alone
with the abyss so close I can read the fine print like Rosetta Stone
But if it ends now, they'll be no future for me to get that girl
any chances of spoiling her with diamonds and pearls
and holding her hair back when she's had to much to drink while she hurls
and it twirls down the drain, I see the ridance of this apocalyptic world
My rosebud is still out there, I just have to remember that
If I have to fight for her then I best get ready for combat
Lets just lay it all out there, my arsenals on the mat
I put my helment on backwards on top of my starter cap
And if I have to take nine shots for you then call me fifty cent
then ill die trying with words of how my life was spent
And you'll read it with a means of some greater extent
It was you that allowed me to never circumvent my discontent
Thank you rosebud, for allowing me to vent, off for my descent
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
Through all the problems in our world
Im reminded of one singular object
That keeps me grounded and gives me strength
She is the Citizen to my Kane
She is my Rosebud
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 1:
Trecherous waters got me demoralized with future daughters
and bringing them into this world full of creeps and all the slaughters,
Vanquished by the inevitable struggles of what they must have taught were
that fog and that mist of unsettling hate was brought upon her
Or maybe my hindsight is messed up worse than my peripheral
astigmatism causin cataracts that are dismissable
but by my admission that fusion must fision within this mission
causes plutonium to burn into the retinas of my vision
but with the economy going to shit that you can't convey
its blowing up faster than OKC could say Tim Mcvay
can't afford to visit the beachs of bombay with your fiance
These birds of pray disarray are a reminder of judgement day
Yeah the grass is always greener on the other side
becuase its land scaped, mowed, etched, and fertilized
while your stuck in life that seems full of dried thoughts of suicide
getting through with only headphones blarring choppers worldwide
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
You cant comprehend the meaning of life until you taste it
and I cant understand how this society makes it
digger deeper from this junk yard full of toxic waste, it
doesnt seem to be getting better from this landfill I submit, you got make shit
Monetary value has sky rocketed upon the height of apollo
tax brackets judged on the income of the poor and hollow
with the rich so far ahead theres no room for you to follow
left to swallow thier pride and rot in the hells of sorrow
Fillin up with 99 cent gas, we're all livin in the past
When did gas go up 3 more dollars, I'm payin out the ass
I know this world has stoplights to keep you from going to fast
but make sure you drive a nice car when the cameras flash
So you can hang it on your wall as somewhat of a momento
Just to keep your feats on beat and ride out to the Tempo
And when the world order sends you an email and you print the memo
We'll come pick you up in our chariots and red limo's
and I know that the speedlimit is 35 to keep the world of track
and the policeman around the corner is just there to get a pay check
maybe if he chases me a little longer he'll get into a wreck
And we can all fly executive together to Quebec
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Gettin lost in the desert storm, just call it the operation
got my guns, ammo, missles, about to up my reputation
and this is my declaration to ingnite the pre-requisation
dont understand me wrong, intellectuality is my inner intimidation
The heat just makes me anticipate the snow
so my soul grows futher into it's comfort zone
cold and and somewhat unknown to the depths of the alone
with the abyss so close I can read the fine print like Rosetta Stone
But if it ends now, they'll be no future for me to get that girl
any chances of spoiling her with diamonds and pearls
and holding her hair back when she's had to much to drink while she hurls
and it twirls down the drain, I see the ridance of this apocalyptic world
My rosebud is still out there, I just have to remember that
If I have to fight for her then I best get ready for combat
Lets just lay it all out there, my arsenals on the mat
I put my helment on backwards on top of my starter cap
And if I have to take nine shots for you then call me fifty cent
then ill die trying with words of how my life was spent
And you'll read it with a means of some greater extent
It was you that allowed me to never circumvent my discontent
Thank you rosebud, for allowing me to vent, off for my descent
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Im takin back to the old days,
Where my rose bud was just a thorn
Glimpse of the haze
As thunder and lightning approached the storm
But then comes raze of sunshines to eleviate the rain
And every shadowing clouds just electrifizes the terrain
Flashback to my Rosebud
Peaceful Escape
Verse 1:
Searching for a cure
something with minimal side effects to endure
Antioxidants and OTC meds dont seem to mature
So I head to the Doc, as he hands me a brochure
Prozac, Zoloft, maybe you need some Xanax
Will any of these sir take me from spazzin to relax?
My immedial complexion complexes me
muscle memory flexes for the rest to see
but weights are only armor to shield against insecurity
So I've come to you now for you to fix what is wrong with me
Dont see me as your patient, or as an benief the skin amputee
See me as you, if you were an abductee of the third degree
Like throwing gasoline on a fire to ignite the depressive flames
Wishin I could hold my head up, dis-miss the look of the ashamed
Scavenging to Escape the Deep, its only peaceful when I sleep
I feel like the outkast, I feel like the Black Sheep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Dep is for the Depth that my hands can not extend
Press is for the Pressure that Insues from with in
Ion is for the molecules that aggitate the sin
We all are volunerable men, so let us lend
A helping hand to them
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
Shattered mirrors cut the forskin of my hands
but feels better than the guilt of the once promised land
They say theres no gain, unless theres any pain
but life is no competition, nor is it simple or plain
Atheist are the only ones who understand my grief
Yet I dont claim them, my hearts still up for grabs to thief
Im down on disagreeing knees, beggin' to a skeleon key
Still im mocked with this disease for what seems like eternity
I wanna look down on a world, and watch it like an episode of Survivor
And see all the fraud and facade destroyed like a drunk, tank driver
I wanna live in a world where all I see are coconut palm trees
and any car is allowed to compete in the annual Grand Prix
I conquest to a dynasty where the oceans are free
to drown in, but resurrect in everlasting harmony
Scavenging to Escape the Deep, its only peaceful when I sleep
I feel like the outkast, I feel like the Black Sheep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Dep is for the Depth that my hands can not extend
Press is for the Pressure that Insues from with in
Ion is for the molecules that aggitate the sin
We all are volunerable men, so let us lend
A helping hand to them
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Exonerate the dark cloud that is placed above my head
to many days without sunshine can leave one seein' infrared
Developing night vision, a perceptual sight revision
My eyes have become my boss, but we can call it supervision
It's me against the world, were all headed for collision
but I cant give up this fight, can't let it be a split decision
I'm going to take what im entitled to as I pass through
Dialated Pupils, become fruitful with envy of the rescue
Cut me open Doc, and sew me back up with a screw
Get the crazy out of me, man if these's people only knew
Alev-ition becomes my only non prescription medication
against this raging inferno, spontaneous insineration
Narrating the saturation of the sweat thats evaporatin'
I'm tempted to open the book, but He's to busy Procrastinatin'
Scavenging to Escape the Deep, its only peaceful when I sleep
I feel like the outkast, I feel like the Black Sheep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Dep is for the Depth that my hands can not extend
Press is for the Pressure that Insues from with in
Ion is for the molecules that aggitate the sin
We all are volunerable men, so let us lend
A helping hand to them
Searching for a cure
something with minimal side effects to endure
Antioxidants and OTC meds dont seem to mature
So I head to the Doc, as he hands me a brochure
Prozac, Zoloft, maybe you need some Xanax
Will any of these sir take me from spazzin to relax?
My immedial complexion complexes me
muscle memory flexes for the rest to see
but weights are only armor to shield against insecurity
So I've come to you now for you to fix what is wrong with me
Dont see me as your patient, or as an benief the skin amputee
See me as you, if you were an abductee of the third degree
Like throwing gasoline on a fire to ignite the depressive flames
Wishin I could hold my head up, dis-miss the look of the ashamed
Scavenging to Escape the Deep, its only peaceful when I sleep
I feel like the outkast, I feel like the Black Sheep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Dep is for the Depth that my hands can not extend
Press is for the Pressure that Insues from with in
Ion is for the molecules that aggitate the sin
We all are volunerable men, so let us lend
A helping hand to them
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
Shattered mirrors cut the forskin of my hands
but feels better than the guilt of the once promised land
They say theres no gain, unless theres any pain
but life is no competition, nor is it simple or plain
Atheist are the only ones who understand my grief
Yet I dont claim them, my hearts still up for grabs to thief
Im down on disagreeing knees, beggin' to a skeleon key
Still im mocked with this disease for what seems like eternity
I wanna look down on a world, and watch it like an episode of Survivor
And see all the fraud and facade destroyed like a drunk, tank driver
I wanna live in a world where all I see are coconut palm trees
and any car is allowed to compete in the annual Grand Prix
I conquest to a dynasty where the oceans are free
to drown in, but resurrect in everlasting harmony
Scavenging to Escape the Deep, its only peaceful when I sleep
I feel like the outkast, I feel like the Black Sheep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Dep is for the Depth that my hands can not extend
Press is for the Pressure that Insues from with in
Ion is for the molecules that aggitate the sin
We all are volunerable men, so let us lend
A helping hand to them
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Exonerate the dark cloud that is placed above my head
to many days without sunshine can leave one seein' infrared
Developing night vision, a perceptual sight revision
My eyes have become my boss, but we can call it supervision
It's me against the world, were all headed for collision
but I cant give up this fight, can't let it be a split decision
I'm going to take what im entitled to as I pass through
Dialated Pupils, become fruitful with envy of the rescue
Cut me open Doc, and sew me back up with a screw
Get the crazy out of me, man if these's people only knew
Alev-ition becomes my only non prescription medication
against this raging inferno, spontaneous insineration
Narrating the saturation of the sweat thats evaporatin'
I'm tempted to open the book, but He's to busy Procrastinatin'
Scavenging to Escape the Deep, its only peaceful when I sleep
I feel like the outkast, I feel like the Black Sheep
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Dep is for the Depth that my hands can not extend
Press is for the Pressure that Insues from with in
Ion is for the molecules that aggitate the sin
We all are volunerable men, so let us lend
A helping hand to them
Only in a Dream
Verse 1:
Nine Hundred and Ninety Four days since I saw your face
Wondering if I'll ever get the chance to embrace
I've seen girls, but I just compare them to you
and none of them live up to your comparative review
I keep your picture in my wallet to help me re-appraise the days
The glaze of the polaroid makes even the rain turn to rays
I miss you, but you know this, does it make a difference?
you're never there when I need you, it should be a six sense
but you're married now so while my hope was my defense
It's shattered now, replaced with irreversible present tense
But common sense tells me, that you'll be back again
I just wish you'd stay, instead of being a never-been
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Everlasting Love
Exist only in a dream
While clever casting shoves
Push against those movie screens
And while I'm all alone
Shes's out on her own
Fairy Tale Ending
Only in dream
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
One hundred and Forty four hours since I heard your voice
It was the last time my mind was at ease by choice
Wishing you would just call me so we could rejoyce
Instead i'm talking to myself listening to eminem and royce
What's it going to take, to get you to pick up the phone?
Im worried about you, this time are you alone?
Did something happen to you, and seeing that im not there
I can't take care of you, can't run my fingeres through your hair
My days become empty without receiving your texts
Most people see me as a mess, but to you I'm a hotmess
at least that lifts my spirits, if only I could give it back
Without the L word scaring you, and leaving me open to attack
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Everlasting Love
Exist only in a dream
While clever casting shoves
Push against those movie screens
And while I'm all alone
Shes's out on her own
Fairy Tale Ending
Only in dream
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
One hundred and fourty thousand minutes since I felt your lips
press up against mine, it was more than just a kiss
I was standing outside, and you were holding my hand
What I would do to get back to being that man
Even though he wasn't your type, he was not alone
And although you may like me now, I have just grown cold
It's hard for me to admit, but you are the one
The one that I've always wished would have my first son
If I was superman, I would spin the worlds back on its axis
back to a time where we could start again and reminsice
and this time, we'd just start off as friends with a twist
cause we'd have a future together, not yet lived, Abyss-mal Eclipse
Nine Hundred and Ninety Four days since I saw your face
Wondering if I'll ever get the chance to embrace
I've seen girls, but I just compare them to you
and none of them live up to your comparative review
I keep your picture in my wallet to help me re-appraise the days
The glaze of the polaroid makes even the rain turn to rays
I miss you, but you know this, does it make a difference?
you're never there when I need you, it should be a six sense
but you're married now so while my hope was my defense
It's shattered now, replaced with irreversible present tense
But common sense tells me, that you'll be back again
I just wish you'd stay, instead of being a never-been
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Everlasting Love
Exist only in a dream
While clever casting shoves
Push against those movie screens
And while I'm all alone
Shes's out on her own
Fairy Tale Ending
Only in dream
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
One hundred and Forty four hours since I heard your voice
It was the last time my mind was at ease by choice
Wishing you would just call me so we could rejoyce
Instead i'm talking to myself listening to eminem and royce
What's it going to take, to get you to pick up the phone?
Im worried about you, this time are you alone?
Did something happen to you, and seeing that im not there
I can't take care of you, can't run my fingeres through your hair
My days become empty without receiving your texts
Most people see me as a mess, but to you I'm a hotmess
at least that lifts my spirits, if only I could give it back
Without the L word scaring you, and leaving me open to attack
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Everlasting Love
Exist only in a dream
While clever casting shoves
Push against those movie screens
And while I'm all alone
Shes's out on her own
Fairy Tale Ending
Only in dream
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
One hundred and fourty thousand minutes since I felt your lips
press up against mine, it was more than just a kiss
I was standing outside, and you were holding my hand
What I would do to get back to being that man
Even though he wasn't your type, he was not alone
And although you may like me now, I have just grown cold
It's hard for me to admit, but you are the one
The one that I've always wished would have my first son
If I was superman, I would spin the worlds back on its axis
back to a time where we could start again and reminsice
and this time, we'd just start off as friends with a twist
cause we'd have a future together, not yet lived, Abyss-mal Eclipse
Her Other Side
Verse 1:
The real her goes home at night and cries herself to sleep
disguised to the world, no one will ever see her weep
she contemplates suicide because no one truly loves her
yet she'll smile to your face with manners of thank you sir
She acts like nothing bothers her, but shes a sensitive ball
like us all, standing 2 feet tall, with her back against the wall
And all she does now is whore her body around,
in the pursuit of happiness she's left with a frown
But she just keeps adding notches to her belt
to redeem the sadness and all the lonliness that she's felt
Facebook friends is all shes come to have
no real friends to point her in the right direction and nav
People are to blind to see what all she hides inside,
So she's forced to show everyone else, her other side
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
I just met her
but I feel like I already know her
I see all the stuff that she has bottled up inside
I see all the pain that she has to hide
So no one sees
Her other side
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
She's as vulnerable as they come
She'd find acceptance in an up or down thumb
cuz a hug leaves her emotionally feeling dumb
And anything more would only cause her to go numb
Men only want her for her body and her willingness
Becasue she wont put up a fight and is defensless
Shameful because this girl is drop deadingly stunning inside and out
Any man would be lucky to have her despite her doubt
I could take advantage of her and get what most men want
Instead I'd rather talk to her and provide her with comfort
Lonely car rides home she hallucinates
a handsome man in the passenger seat as she awaits
for the real thing, this pretty little thing
turns on a love song, and decides she wants to sing
Words dont come as tears fall down her face
wiping the mascara to not leave a trace
She hopes for a blessing in disguise
But is only left with a lost look in her eyes
prayin to the skies has left her with nothing but lies
unreligiously faithful, her innocence has died.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
I just met her
but I feel like I already know her
I see all the stuff that she has bottled up inside
I see all the pain that she has to hide
So no one sees
Her other side
----------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Trapped now in a dead end predictament
had a few kids now but shes lost all the sentiment
She lives life day by day, layaway to paycheck
One can only imagine she's left with desperate regret
But shes not...
She'd like to start a movement to help girls in her position
But she has no funds to initial the petition
The government wont help her, she struggles to feed her kids
Admist all the drama, she wont retaliate all the sins
Even with a lost faith in some higher power or spirit
Her prayers were never answers and shes stood alone to bare it
her kids love her dearly, her only hope of a fantasy
but all she ever wanted was a man to love her unconditionally
The energy has left her, so she has no fight left
Screaming to the world while everyone is left deaf
Her man cheats on her, yet she stays with him
thinking she can do no better, no strength to offend
Love songs remind her of what should be familiar
If a god didnt save her, then it was her children.
------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
I just met her
but I feel like I already know her
I see all the stuff that she has bottled up inside
I see all the pain that she has to hide
So no one sees
Her other side
The real her goes home at night and cries herself to sleep
disguised to the world, no one will ever see her weep
she contemplates suicide because no one truly loves her
yet she'll smile to your face with manners of thank you sir
She acts like nothing bothers her, but shes a sensitive ball
like us all, standing 2 feet tall, with her back against the wall
And all she does now is whore her body around,
in the pursuit of happiness she's left with a frown
But she just keeps adding notches to her belt
to redeem the sadness and all the lonliness that she's felt
Facebook friends is all shes come to have
no real friends to point her in the right direction and nav
People are to blind to see what all she hides inside,
So she's forced to show everyone else, her other side
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
I just met her
but I feel like I already know her
I see all the stuff that she has bottled up inside
I see all the pain that she has to hide
So no one sees
Her other side
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2:
She's as vulnerable as they come
She'd find acceptance in an up or down thumb
cuz a hug leaves her emotionally feeling dumb
And anything more would only cause her to go numb
Men only want her for her body and her willingness
Becasue she wont put up a fight and is defensless
Shameful because this girl is drop deadingly stunning inside and out
Any man would be lucky to have her despite her doubt
I could take advantage of her and get what most men want
Instead I'd rather talk to her and provide her with comfort
Lonely car rides home she hallucinates
a handsome man in the passenger seat as she awaits
for the real thing, this pretty little thing
turns on a love song, and decides she wants to sing
Words dont come as tears fall down her face
wiping the mascara to not leave a trace
She hopes for a blessing in disguise
But is only left with a lost look in her eyes
prayin to the skies has left her with nothing but lies
unreligiously faithful, her innocence has died.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
I just met her
but I feel like I already know her
I see all the stuff that she has bottled up inside
I see all the pain that she has to hide
So no one sees
Her other side
----------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3:
Trapped now in a dead end predictament
had a few kids now but shes lost all the sentiment
She lives life day by day, layaway to paycheck
One can only imagine she's left with desperate regret
But shes not...
She'd like to start a movement to help girls in her position
But she has no funds to initial the petition
The government wont help her, she struggles to feed her kids
Admist all the drama, she wont retaliate all the sins
Even with a lost faith in some higher power or spirit
Her prayers were never answers and shes stood alone to bare it
her kids love her dearly, her only hope of a fantasy
but all she ever wanted was a man to love her unconditionally
The energy has left her, so she has no fight left
Screaming to the world while everyone is left deaf
Her man cheats on her, yet she stays with him
thinking she can do no better, no strength to offend
Love songs remind her of what should be familiar
If a god didnt save her, then it was her children.
------------------------------------------------------------
Hook:
I just met her
but I feel like I already know her
I see all the stuff that she has bottled up inside
I see all the pain that she has to hide
So no one sees
Her other side
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Finding Faith II
I wont apolagize in advance for how raw this is going to be. This is who I am, and although I am holding back language that may offend some, my thoughts have no censorship on them. This isn't basic cable. This is HBO. Judge me how you want, say what you want, read what you want, but if your going to do it, do it to my face, so I can show you that whatever wrath of God that you bring with, I will destroy with the collases and scars of my fist.
.
Realistically, I dont understand the contant need, or any need for that matter, to praise an invisible man that allows such lives to be lived so miserably. I can't honestly remember the last day I awoke from my only peaceful moment in which I was happy to see a new day. Maybe I'm alone in this matter but I'm always angry, always filled with hatred towards the world and its people. No matter what happens to me. Whether its getting approved for a home loan for 215,000 dollars, or getting another new car worth 60,000 dollars, or getting an annual raise of 15,000 dollars. Sure, their is a brief moment in which I'm excited, but it passes the moment reality sets back in and the demons come rushing back with their voices. It's as if my demons have demons. Why can't this god make that go away?
.
Why can't I explain this to people so that they will understand? How do you explain to a therapist that you'd rather break all the knuckles in my hand on a cement bolder than have to deal with the pain that I carry inside? To explain that I understand how serial killers come to fruition. How I'd rather feel the tears of blood running down my face than the taste of salt walt. To explain something that can only be described as a dark passenger, than you carry with at all times, awaiting to erupt at any moment. How do you explain this to someone and still be described as normal. Psycho seems of a more fitting description and I hate the person that i've become and I blame no one. However Im told that I was created by this God, so in that respect this is all his fault. If he created the person I am right now in my life, he should be ashamed of himself and put in his resignation. In my mind and my heart, he retired along time ago and I dont ever see him coming back to work for me. Hell he never did work for me.
.
All I've ever asked for from him is one thing. One thing in which I curse him now because he allows me to suffer, while he mocks me with his thunderous laugh. So now I mock him, with my middle fingers to the air, letting him no he hasn't got ahold of me. And he has no meaning what so ever in my life. And im not so sure that even when, and if my problem goes away, I will ever find a place for this "thing" in my life. If I had another life, in which my parents used drugs and abandoned me at the time I needed them most, and 10 years later came back into my life thinking everything was good and well. No. If you abandon me at any time, you will never get my forgiveness. I dont forget who my real true friends are. God is not my friend, my creator, or my father. He is an abandoner. This is assuming, he does exist, in which I feel he's an awful person/holy spirit or whatever to worship.
.
A man who if created currency, only did so to cover up all aspirations of the contrary. One is led to believe that you can only find that joy in the form of little green pieces of paper with dead presidents photoshopped together. Colliding heads meet in the instance rich and poor come together, forming difference of opinions that aren't like assholes, but more resemblant of black holes in which all forms of matter get lost. It's a particle accelerator that has no off bottom. It's out to destroy. Who created this? This man that they demand us to get down on bended knee and worship. The only thing I will ever get down on bended knee for is my future wife before I propose to her. And i'll be damned if I get married in a church, but rather on the beach of Waikiki Beach in Honolulu, Hawaii. Where the sand is imported from Australia and the modern man made marvel exist only to me, as the 8th wonder of the world. Created by man.
.
Im not sure why they call us the human race, or why they call us selfish. The only race we as humans have are answers that never seem to get anything but questions. Questions upon questions. The world order that has evolved over the centuries has never seen anything like what we have going on now. It's significantly changes from the days of the yonder years. It's pretty sad though that the only memories of any kind of wonder years is the television series that was replayed on nick at night when I was a kid. Boy meets world was really boy meets girl, unless Topanga had an alias known as World. But why must I destroy my ear drums and vision with radiation and the sound of never ending instruments in order to simply drown out the thoughts that makes this devil we call satan, look like nothing more than a pussy cat.
.
Mayb there are no answers. Maybe I've come to the conclusion that there is no God. Maybe his is a figment of everyones imagination and the human face is so gullible in which they will believe in anything, as long as it makes them feel good. Maybe I am to much of a realist to buy into that BS. Maybe i'll pay for all of this someday, but I challenge that momemt to be more miserable than I am right now. Maybe i'll be singing a different tune someday, and when that happens the world will know. I will have a smile on my face. There will be no more broken mirrors, only heavybags. This is the biggest challenge of my life and its seemingly out of my control. I've gave this god plenty of time to take over and fix it and he hasn't. So I'm going to have to do this on my own.
.
Realistically, I dont understand the contant need, or any need for that matter, to praise an invisible man that allows such lives to be lived so miserably. I can't honestly remember the last day I awoke from my only peaceful moment in which I was happy to see a new day. Maybe I'm alone in this matter but I'm always angry, always filled with hatred towards the world and its people. No matter what happens to me. Whether its getting approved for a home loan for 215,000 dollars, or getting another new car worth 60,000 dollars, or getting an annual raise of 15,000 dollars. Sure, their is a brief moment in which I'm excited, but it passes the moment reality sets back in and the demons come rushing back with their voices. It's as if my demons have demons. Why can't this god make that go away?
.
Why can't I explain this to people so that they will understand? How do you explain to a therapist that you'd rather break all the knuckles in my hand on a cement bolder than have to deal with the pain that I carry inside? To explain that I understand how serial killers come to fruition. How I'd rather feel the tears of blood running down my face than the taste of salt walt. To explain something that can only be described as a dark passenger, than you carry with at all times, awaiting to erupt at any moment. How do you explain this to someone and still be described as normal. Psycho seems of a more fitting description and I hate the person that i've become and I blame no one. However Im told that I was created by this God, so in that respect this is all his fault. If he created the person I am right now in my life, he should be ashamed of himself and put in his resignation. In my mind and my heart, he retired along time ago and I dont ever see him coming back to work for me. Hell he never did work for me.
.
All I've ever asked for from him is one thing. One thing in which I curse him now because he allows me to suffer, while he mocks me with his thunderous laugh. So now I mock him, with my middle fingers to the air, letting him no he hasn't got ahold of me. And he has no meaning what so ever in my life. And im not so sure that even when, and if my problem goes away, I will ever find a place for this "thing" in my life. If I had another life, in which my parents used drugs and abandoned me at the time I needed them most, and 10 years later came back into my life thinking everything was good and well. No. If you abandon me at any time, you will never get my forgiveness. I dont forget who my real true friends are. God is not my friend, my creator, or my father. He is an abandoner. This is assuming, he does exist, in which I feel he's an awful person/holy spirit or whatever to worship.
.
A man who if created currency, only did so to cover up all aspirations of the contrary. One is led to believe that you can only find that joy in the form of little green pieces of paper with dead presidents photoshopped together. Colliding heads meet in the instance rich and poor come together, forming difference of opinions that aren't like assholes, but more resemblant of black holes in which all forms of matter get lost. It's a particle accelerator that has no off bottom. It's out to destroy. Who created this? This man that they demand us to get down on bended knee and worship. The only thing I will ever get down on bended knee for is my future wife before I propose to her. And i'll be damned if I get married in a church, but rather on the beach of Waikiki Beach in Honolulu, Hawaii. Where the sand is imported from Australia and the modern man made marvel exist only to me, as the 8th wonder of the world. Created by man.
.
Im not sure why they call us the human race, or why they call us selfish. The only race we as humans have are answers that never seem to get anything but questions. Questions upon questions. The world order that has evolved over the centuries has never seen anything like what we have going on now. It's significantly changes from the days of the yonder years. It's pretty sad though that the only memories of any kind of wonder years is the television series that was replayed on nick at night when I was a kid. Boy meets world was really boy meets girl, unless Topanga had an alias known as World. But why must I destroy my ear drums and vision with radiation and the sound of never ending instruments in order to simply drown out the thoughts that makes this devil we call satan, look like nothing more than a pussy cat.
.
Mayb there are no answers. Maybe I've come to the conclusion that there is no God. Maybe his is a figment of everyones imagination and the human face is so gullible in which they will believe in anything, as long as it makes them feel good. Maybe I am to much of a realist to buy into that BS. Maybe i'll pay for all of this someday, but I challenge that momemt to be more miserable than I am right now. Maybe i'll be singing a different tune someday, and when that happens the world will know. I will have a smile on my face. There will be no more broken mirrors, only heavybags. This is the biggest challenge of my life and its seemingly out of my control. I've gave this god plenty of time to take over and fix it and he hasn't. So I'm going to have to do this on my own.
Finding Faith
Faith has never come easy to me. It's a four way crossroad in which no turn looks appealing. Everyone assumes that you believe in some higher power. Im not saying that I dont. What I am saying is that I do question alot of it, if not all of it. I was told today that it is known as blind faith, which is something I've never had towards anyone or anything. Like trust, for me that is something that is earned, not just given. Faith falls under the same category to me. I've yet to experience this unexplainable feeling of unworthiness that churches speak of. I've never felt the need to give away 10 percent of my income to a corrupt church that uses the name of God as a defense mechanism for their faults. I dont need to apolagize for my sins, when most christians dont even acknowledge all of theirs. They acknowledge what they want to acknowledge, and that is a sin within itselfs.
.
Some of the worst people I know are christians and claim to spread his word, but live by their own. These judgemental hypocrites are creating the ultimate sin in my opinion. Claiming to live by one standard, but completly going against it. One doesnt need to go to church or read the bible daily to know that this God that they speak of, is the only person that should be judging people. I'm not saying I dont do this, but I'm also not saying that I live by that book either. At least I'm keeping it real in this sense. Im not dishonoring anyone but myself when I act this way. I'm aware of my faults, all of them. No one is harder on me, than me. But I dont go asking forgiveness for them just to make them ok. I accept them and deal with them realistically.
.
A lady at work always is asking me to pray for her. Pray that she finds another job because the one she has is so bad. I'm sorry but you are making 70 thousand a year doing basically nothing. It's not bad, and I dont think a God should be bothered my such petty suggestions. I'm also not going to prayer for her. Why would I pray for someone else when this God wont answer my own prayers? 9 years I prayed for something to go away, something that should have been able to fix by modern medicine. It never did. Others told me that God will answer your prayers when the time is right. If being depressed to the point of never wanting to leave the house, and breaking numerous movable objects with yoru fist wasn't the right time, then im sorry, but that is a bit ridiculous to let someone keep living like that, if you have the power to fix it. So what good did praying do? I was told there was a right way and a wrong way to prayer. When I first heard that I thought this person was full of shit. To be honest I still feel that way. Who is this god to demand how I talk to him or how I word something. Sorry, to me praying did nothing for me. Expect make me feel even more worthless.
.
I'm struggeling with my belief in this matter. Not because I'm some athiest who just wants to be different, but because I have questions to things that people can't give me legit answers on. I'm an analyst by trade, and by heart. It's what I do. If there is a god, I shouldnt be punished for questioning such things. It's a far more noble thing to do than to preach something and not live by it. At least im not doing that. I have good morals, and I have high standards. Not because the bible says so, but because that is how I was raised. No matter who created me, my family is the one who raised me. I will not give credit to someone who had zero influence or effect on my life. I can't. I can't take that away from my mom, and dad, or even my brother. Who all visibly influenced me. I can't tell you one time in which I felt the presence of God in my life.
.
Before you assume wrong, I've read the bible. I dont feel any different. Alot of the things that the bible told me, I completely disagreed with. I agree with some of it, but not all. I've also went to church during periods of time in my life. Didnt' seem to make a difference and only caused more questions and frustration. If you judge me based on this, you can go to hell and burn for all I care, if such a place exist. I find it very un-nerving that this God would create such a place for his children. Even if my son someday or daughter were to murder someone, I would never wish such a thing on someone. It's my child.
.
Yes, I am stubborn. But im not against being proven wrong. I'd love to have this feeling of security and happiness that some great christians carry with them, but I dont. I just can't force myself to believe something when I feel nothing. Maybe ive grown cold, but my body is seemingly hot inside. Finding faith is a never ending journey in my life. I struggle with it constantly. I battle the good and evil as if it were night and day. I'd like to think that I treat people good, but some people just deserve to have their ass handed to them on a burning silver platter. I'm not sure how this was installed in me, but I do seem to be doing something right. I have everything a person could ever want, and more. Just left with an emptiness inside that doesnt seem any closer to being fulfilled by a spirit of invisibility.
.
Im not sure what else to call this journey, but Finding Faith. I have faith in me, in my abilities, in my determination, and what im capable of. But faith in something else? I havent found it yet.
.
Some of the worst people I know are christians and claim to spread his word, but live by their own. These judgemental hypocrites are creating the ultimate sin in my opinion. Claiming to live by one standard, but completly going against it. One doesnt need to go to church or read the bible daily to know that this God that they speak of, is the only person that should be judging people. I'm not saying I dont do this, but I'm also not saying that I live by that book either. At least I'm keeping it real in this sense. Im not dishonoring anyone but myself when I act this way. I'm aware of my faults, all of them. No one is harder on me, than me. But I dont go asking forgiveness for them just to make them ok. I accept them and deal with them realistically.
.
A lady at work always is asking me to pray for her. Pray that she finds another job because the one she has is so bad. I'm sorry but you are making 70 thousand a year doing basically nothing. It's not bad, and I dont think a God should be bothered my such petty suggestions. I'm also not going to prayer for her. Why would I pray for someone else when this God wont answer my own prayers? 9 years I prayed for something to go away, something that should have been able to fix by modern medicine. It never did. Others told me that God will answer your prayers when the time is right. If being depressed to the point of never wanting to leave the house, and breaking numerous movable objects with yoru fist wasn't the right time, then im sorry, but that is a bit ridiculous to let someone keep living like that, if you have the power to fix it. So what good did praying do? I was told there was a right way and a wrong way to prayer. When I first heard that I thought this person was full of shit. To be honest I still feel that way. Who is this god to demand how I talk to him or how I word something. Sorry, to me praying did nothing for me. Expect make me feel even more worthless.
.
I'm struggeling with my belief in this matter. Not because I'm some athiest who just wants to be different, but because I have questions to things that people can't give me legit answers on. I'm an analyst by trade, and by heart. It's what I do. If there is a god, I shouldnt be punished for questioning such things. It's a far more noble thing to do than to preach something and not live by it. At least im not doing that. I have good morals, and I have high standards. Not because the bible says so, but because that is how I was raised. No matter who created me, my family is the one who raised me. I will not give credit to someone who had zero influence or effect on my life. I can't. I can't take that away from my mom, and dad, or even my brother. Who all visibly influenced me. I can't tell you one time in which I felt the presence of God in my life.
.
Before you assume wrong, I've read the bible. I dont feel any different. Alot of the things that the bible told me, I completely disagreed with. I agree with some of it, but not all. I've also went to church during periods of time in my life. Didnt' seem to make a difference and only caused more questions and frustration. If you judge me based on this, you can go to hell and burn for all I care, if such a place exist. I find it very un-nerving that this God would create such a place for his children. Even if my son someday or daughter were to murder someone, I would never wish such a thing on someone. It's my child.
.
Yes, I am stubborn. But im not against being proven wrong. I'd love to have this feeling of security and happiness that some great christians carry with them, but I dont. I just can't force myself to believe something when I feel nothing. Maybe ive grown cold, but my body is seemingly hot inside. Finding faith is a never ending journey in my life. I struggle with it constantly. I battle the good and evil as if it were night and day. I'd like to think that I treat people good, but some people just deserve to have their ass handed to them on a burning silver platter. I'm not sure how this was installed in me, but I do seem to be doing something right. I have everything a person could ever want, and more. Just left with an emptiness inside that doesnt seem any closer to being fulfilled by a spirit of invisibility.
.
Im not sure what else to call this journey, but Finding Faith. I have faith in me, in my abilities, in my determination, and what im capable of. But faith in something else? I havent found it yet.
Disillusion of Grander
Hey there again. Excuse me for being so upfront with this, considering the fact that you may not even know who I am. Regardless of the fact that you may recognize me, would you even know my name if it was called out? It's not your fault if you dont. But I've always known yours. Is that creepy or romantic? While my hearts stuck back in the 50's, a classic gentleman beneith it all, I wonder where it all changed.
When I see you, I see someone else. I compare you to that person, subconsciously already setting myself up for the probability of disappointment. What are my chances. Realistically its a 50/50 shot, but measures beyond my means never seem to throw the odds in my favor. Overshadowed by a roulette ball as it pings against each spot, trying to decide what number and color it wants to land on. It has no control, but it doesnt know that. It's just a ball. It doesnt have to feel the agony of defeat when approached with irreversable conditions.
If you were really her, I wouldn't be afraid, but I am. Afraid to tell you how beautiful you are to me. How that time when you smiled at me at work, made my day so much better, and better is rare these days. I dont know what it is about you, besides the fact that I originally perceived you as her. Part of me feels remorseably guilty about that, for which I know you deserve to be seen for you, and not someone else.
With a lack of spirituality and self righteousness, my analyzations overway any about of confidence I could muster to tell you, that I think about you. Not in this stalker sort of way that society has deemed upon us. Not in a way in which I follow your every facebook move. None of that even matters to me. What matters to me is your beauty. As shallow as that seems, its true. Not just your exterior, but what I can only imagine lies interior as well.
It's still not fair though. Because what I see in you only brings me closer to someone else. Brings back desires that I once had and realize they never left in the first place. They laid dormant under the cold soul of mine that needs a burst of something to awaken it. Are you that person? Or is it still only her that can change my ways. It's as if I found someone to bring me back, only causing me to get more and more lost in this maze.
You share the same eyes, the same hair color, the same swagger when you walk. Im not one to believe that things happen for a reason but did you flash me that smile the other day for a reason? Did you come into my life at a time in which I needed reminded of what I once had and still yearned for? I would like to think in this case, that both of the above our true. But I remain discontent with the illusion of it all.
J.Cole says,"We all have angels, we all have demons," and I can relate to the latter. But I dont feel as though I have angels in the plural form of the word. I've met one angel since I've been on this earth and she's gone. She left along time ago. Still I carry her picture in my wallet as a mark of the one that got away. She was my angel, even though by definition she was anything but, but I didnt care. To me she was flawless. And you remind me of that person. Maybe on many different levels, but I can't tell you that. This is as close as I've came to even talking about this, and I can't even personalize it to the extent that my own enemies inside would betray when it came time to speak to you aloud.
I dont know what to do about this world. Sure life is about taking chances, and I've always created my own odds. Rejection is a natural of course, but still degrading to me. I take things personal, partly because to me alot of it matters. Most of it matters. The girl that you remind me of, matters. I'd like to think that you are version 2.0. The new one. Sent down from wherever new angels come from to save me. I'd still prefer the old one, but I've grown to accept that it may never exist like I want it to. So are you the next best thing? Or is still wrong of me to even think that way. I know it is after reading it, but in a world full of liars, I can only be truthful with myself. You are her, but you'll never be.
Disillusion of grander
When I see you, I see someone else. I compare you to that person, subconsciously already setting myself up for the probability of disappointment. What are my chances. Realistically its a 50/50 shot, but measures beyond my means never seem to throw the odds in my favor. Overshadowed by a roulette ball as it pings against each spot, trying to decide what number and color it wants to land on. It has no control, but it doesnt know that. It's just a ball. It doesnt have to feel the agony of defeat when approached with irreversable conditions.
If you were really her, I wouldn't be afraid, but I am. Afraid to tell you how beautiful you are to me. How that time when you smiled at me at work, made my day so much better, and better is rare these days. I dont know what it is about you, besides the fact that I originally perceived you as her. Part of me feels remorseably guilty about that, for which I know you deserve to be seen for you, and not someone else.
With a lack of spirituality and self righteousness, my analyzations overway any about of confidence I could muster to tell you, that I think about you. Not in this stalker sort of way that society has deemed upon us. Not in a way in which I follow your every facebook move. None of that even matters to me. What matters to me is your beauty. As shallow as that seems, its true. Not just your exterior, but what I can only imagine lies interior as well.
It's still not fair though. Because what I see in you only brings me closer to someone else. Brings back desires that I once had and realize they never left in the first place. They laid dormant under the cold soul of mine that needs a burst of something to awaken it. Are you that person? Or is it still only her that can change my ways. It's as if I found someone to bring me back, only causing me to get more and more lost in this maze.
You share the same eyes, the same hair color, the same swagger when you walk. Im not one to believe that things happen for a reason but did you flash me that smile the other day for a reason? Did you come into my life at a time in which I needed reminded of what I once had and still yearned for? I would like to think in this case, that both of the above our true. But I remain discontent with the illusion of it all.
J.Cole says,"We all have angels, we all have demons," and I can relate to the latter. But I dont feel as though I have angels in the plural form of the word. I've met one angel since I've been on this earth and she's gone. She left along time ago. Still I carry her picture in my wallet as a mark of the one that got away. She was my angel, even though by definition she was anything but, but I didnt care. To me she was flawless. And you remind me of that person. Maybe on many different levels, but I can't tell you that. This is as close as I've came to even talking about this, and I can't even personalize it to the extent that my own enemies inside would betray when it came time to speak to you aloud.
I dont know what to do about this world. Sure life is about taking chances, and I've always created my own odds. Rejection is a natural of course, but still degrading to me. I take things personal, partly because to me alot of it matters. Most of it matters. The girl that you remind me of, matters. I'd like to think that you are version 2.0. The new one. Sent down from wherever new angels come from to save me. I'd still prefer the old one, but I've grown to accept that it may never exist like I want it to. So are you the next best thing? Or is still wrong of me to even think that way. I know it is after reading it, but in a world full of liars, I can only be truthful with myself. You are her, but you'll never be.
Disillusion of grander
Psychological Healing
Hey again. It's been awhile since I last spoke to you. Maybe its only been a day now, but it seems like eternity has passed by without being graced by your presence. When I woke up this morning, a part of me felt a little more empty. Having a hard enough time as it is to get through the days without becoming self depricated, its even harder without your voice to simmer some of the flames. Am I becoming a broken record?
I know that if anyone is to blame, its me. I'm hardly a pleasant person most of the time and if you ever see a smile out of me, its likely just an illusion. I've been told life is what you make it, and to me thats the most ingorant and vial thing i've ever heard. A catch phrase isn't going to raise my spirits, it only insults my intelligence and offers me comfort that this world is getting less graceful by the moment. Sometimes I feel as though I would have a great profession in being a mime, this way I wouldnt have to speak to anyone, I could cover all the imperfections in white paint and show the world my middle finger. They would laugh to hide the feeling of resentment.
When did it all start to become a game? When did who hurt the most become a competition between acquaintences. I can't tell someone anymore how I feel because they dont seek retribution, they seek action. Action in the form of, let me top your story because I'm more sadder than you. Such a lack of disrespect in so many shapes and forms that I nearly cant stand the anatomy of it all.
Also, when did caring for a person so much start to drive them away? When a woman gets physically or emotionally abused by every man they ever come across and give their heart to, leaving her sweat and tears and blood on the floor with the footprints of his shoes as he stomps every feeling out of her. But what happens when I good guy, one of the few left, approach that girl and offer her everything I woman could truly want. But they run. Because they are to used to getting treated in a manner in which I can't even begin to comprehend. If legal, i'd take a shotgun to every man that has done that to a woman and sleep better at night for it. God may forgive them for their sins, but I sure as hell won't.
Im not writing for your pleasure, im writing for my peace. The keyboard has become my therapist. I've started to become more vocal about my "issues" but the more I talk, the more people judge and the more people dont understand. We dont treat good people the way they should be treated, but ass holes always get the benefit of the doubt. Im not sure why. I could give someone an amazing life, but they wont have it. They'd rather be yelled at and beat, even if its just subconsciously. They are psychologically impaired in a way that only Frued would understand and even he may not be prepared for the what the world has come to. The DSM book gets bigger every year.
People wonder why I dont tell them good morning. What's good about it, I respond in a tone that they act like they've never heard before. I go to work at a job that I can't stand the people around me. The only thing good about it is that it pays good with good benefiits, but money is no issue for me. I go home and box in a state of mind that if anyone saw me doing it would call the cops for extreme acts of violence or disturbing the peace. By then it's time for bed, in which I experience that alone and fade away to the only part of my life where there is peace of mind, sometimes. Even my dreams haunt me with random topics that make me question reality.
All I wanted was to show her how she deserved to be treated. How there is hope for her and how she could have gotten everything she ever wanted, assuming it was want I think people want. Companionship, Equality, Loyalty. The american dream if you choose to believe in that sort of thing. But I drove her away. I turned into the asshole that she is normally drawn to. I dont know why I do this. Maybe because I trust no one. Maybe because I want it so bad that someone is trying to keep me down and punish me for not worshipping him like the rest of this bible belt.
I wont apolagize however, for what I offered you. Nor do I need to waste anymore time on that if won't accept me and my ways. My heart, beneath it all is pure. It just needs a jump start. I'm still in here somewhere. Reaching out to whoever will listen without critisizm or a one line catch phrase that they heard on TV the other night. I dont care to hear your opinion because i promise you mine is far worse of you and of myself. And you dont really want to get in a battle of words with me do you? All I'm really trying to say is, as ludacrous as it sounds...I miss you. Hell...I miss me.
Psychological Healing
I know that if anyone is to blame, its me. I'm hardly a pleasant person most of the time and if you ever see a smile out of me, its likely just an illusion. I've been told life is what you make it, and to me thats the most ingorant and vial thing i've ever heard. A catch phrase isn't going to raise my spirits, it only insults my intelligence and offers me comfort that this world is getting less graceful by the moment. Sometimes I feel as though I would have a great profession in being a mime, this way I wouldnt have to speak to anyone, I could cover all the imperfections in white paint and show the world my middle finger. They would laugh to hide the feeling of resentment.
When did it all start to become a game? When did who hurt the most become a competition between acquaintences. I can't tell someone anymore how I feel because they dont seek retribution, they seek action. Action in the form of, let me top your story because I'm more sadder than you. Such a lack of disrespect in so many shapes and forms that I nearly cant stand the anatomy of it all.
Also, when did caring for a person so much start to drive them away? When a woman gets physically or emotionally abused by every man they ever come across and give their heart to, leaving her sweat and tears and blood on the floor with the footprints of his shoes as he stomps every feeling out of her. But what happens when I good guy, one of the few left, approach that girl and offer her everything I woman could truly want. But they run. Because they are to used to getting treated in a manner in which I can't even begin to comprehend. If legal, i'd take a shotgun to every man that has done that to a woman and sleep better at night for it. God may forgive them for their sins, but I sure as hell won't.
Im not writing for your pleasure, im writing for my peace. The keyboard has become my therapist. I've started to become more vocal about my "issues" but the more I talk, the more people judge and the more people dont understand. We dont treat good people the way they should be treated, but ass holes always get the benefit of the doubt. Im not sure why. I could give someone an amazing life, but they wont have it. They'd rather be yelled at and beat, even if its just subconsciously. They are psychologically impaired in a way that only Frued would understand and even he may not be prepared for the what the world has come to. The DSM book gets bigger every year.
People wonder why I dont tell them good morning. What's good about it, I respond in a tone that they act like they've never heard before. I go to work at a job that I can't stand the people around me. The only thing good about it is that it pays good with good benefiits, but money is no issue for me. I go home and box in a state of mind that if anyone saw me doing it would call the cops for extreme acts of violence or disturbing the peace. By then it's time for bed, in which I experience that alone and fade away to the only part of my life where there is peace of mind, sometimes. Even my dreams haunt me with random topics that make me question reality.
All I wanted was to show her how she deserved to be treated. How there is hope for her and how she could have gotten everything she ever wanted, assuming it was want I think people want. Companionship, Equality, Loyalty. The american dream if you choose to believe in that sort of thing. But I drove her away. I turned into the asshole that she is normally drawn to. I dont know why I do this. Maybe because I trust no one. Maybe because I want it so bad that someone is trying to keep me down and punish me for not worshipping him like the rest of this bible belt.
I wont apolagize however, for what I offered you. Nor do I need to waste anymore time on that if won't accept me and my ways. My heart, beneath it all is pure. It just needs a jump start. I'm still in here somewhere. Reaching out to whoever will listen without critisizm or a one line catch phrase that they heard on TV the other night. I dont care to hear your opinion because i promise you mine is far worse of you and of myself. And you dont really want to get in a battle of words with me do you? All I'm really trying to say is, as ludacrous as it sounds...I miss you. Hell...I miss me.
Psychological Healing
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