Hey, it's me again. It's amazing what all a drive around town can do for one's comprehension. Everywhere you look you are reminded of all the places you've encountered while growing up, along with the constant change that comes with that. Streetlights are everywhere, flashing and flickering at times because their star is about to run out. However differing from space, there is no black hole with them, a simple light bulb will mend them new. Don't you wish life were the same sometimes? For when your light burns out, you simply replace it with a new one. Sounds good in theory.
Unsure about what comes next but I know the key is some sort of contentment. Happiness in the form of being ok with my life and the nature of my very existence. I've been called a negative nancy far to many times for me to shrung it off and pretend i'm not. I know I am, but how can I change? One step at a time is what I've alluded to, and it can't involve a girl or a car either to help bridge the gap of darkness to light. The more I focus on relationships, the more irritable my condition gets and the more I tend to push them away. The entire time they think its them without me placing a single finger of blame. The fact of the matter is, it's me. I know it's all me, but that doesnt stop my actions from taking a toll on any of them. I probabley scar them very deeply, not with actions, but with words. My greatest strength, is also my greatest threat. Self-consciously probably wanting them to know how it feels to be me.
Starting to see things a bit more clearly, the more I open up to someone. They aren't any person of interest to me, but of value none the less. I've gained the ability to control my anger, albeit just a bit. Focusing on the future no more, but only on the present. I've been snuck in this rut so long that I still haven't fully developed into an adult. I'm aware of this, but my maturation is nothing short of anyones journey. Growing up is easy, it's proving to everyone else that you are is the hard part. You can't speak your mind, truthfully, without people calling you a child or demanding one to grow up. Nor can you speak without a censor of they'll begin to question your vocabulary. For that, I crack a smile. Because although theres people out there who will you bring you down to their level, there are also people that want to bring you up to their's. People tend to forget that everything goes both ways.
Disconcerning threats and fears cause us all to do things we normally wouldnt do. Im not sure if its the hormones, estrogen, or endorphins that cause these anomolies but it happens. It's science, anatomy 101 for all you scholars. But what causes fear? What causes someone to react so defensively, when a simple question is approached to them. I know everything isn't just black or white, but even the lightist shade of grey is closer to black. I seek answers, dont we all? I've started to write people off who can't answer anything more intelligent than, "I dont know." Whats the point of speaking to someone of such indesciveness? I'll tell you why. We think with our hearts most of the time and not with our brain. We all know we shouldnt, but what real control do we have over our feelings? None
During these moments of clarity, each individual experience is different. Whether it be the car you are driving or the instruments radiating from the speakers. What is it about lyrics that transform us into a different person. Music causes us all to have bi polar tendencies. Going from happy to sad with the transition of songs. From an upbeat Rihanna to a nearly teary eyed Adele, we as humans change emotionally. And through the ruckus and annoying teenagers rummeging through town in there loud mustangs or rice rocket honda's, the music keeps you at peace. The lyrics speak to you. And in that brief three to four minutes, you are lost in another world of narnia.
Speed can also do many things for the human soul. It causes brief moments of intense meditation and solitude that leave your ora in a peaceful, yet dangerous and compelling state of being. Even in the darkness of night, you can see light peeking through at the end of the tunnel. Whether it be a streetlight, a stop light, or a hospital in the distance. Whether it be flashlights of all the people you have hurt, still searching for what they've lost. Whatever you see, it''s there. The brain is no smarter that what our eyes tell it we see. And although the streetlights remind us of memories passing by, to our mind they are nothing more than a spectrum of non emotional colors. But to our hearts, they are much more than that. Each one respresents another road that our journey could have taken us, and before you know it it's gone. In the end there are no more lights, well except maybe one.
Tunnel Vision
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