Hey there again. Excuse me for being so upfront with this, considering the fact that you may not even know who I am. Regardless of the fact that you may recognize me, would you even know my name if it was called out? It's not your fault if you dont. But I've always known yours. Is that creepy or romantic? While my hearts stuck back in the 50's, a classic gentleman beneith it all, I wonder where it all changed.
When I see you, I see someone else. I compare you to that person, subconsciously already setting myself up for the probability of disappointment. What are my chances. Realistically its a 50/50 shot, but measures beyond my means never seem to throw the odds in my favor. Overshadowed by a roulette ball as it pings against each spot, trying to decide what number and color it wants to land on. It has no control, but it doesnt know that. It's just a ball. It doesnt have to feel the agony of defeat when approached with irreversable conditions.
If you were really her, I wouldn't be afraid, but I am. Afraid to tell you how beautiful you are to me. How that time when you smiled at me at work, made my day so much better, and better is rare these days. I dont know what it is about you, besides the fact that I originally perceived you as her. Part of me feels remorseably guilty about that, for which I know you deserve to be seen for you, and not someone else.
With a lack of spirituality and self righteousness, my analyzations overway any about of confidence I could muster to tell you, that I think about you. Not in this stalker sort of way that society has deemed upon us. Not in a way in which I follow your every facebook move. None of that even matters to me. What matters to me is your beauty. As shallow as that seems, its true. Not just your exterior, but what I can only imagine lies interior as well.
It's still not fair though. Because what I see in you only brings me closer to someone else. Brings back desires that I once had and realize they never left in the first place. They laid dormant under the cold soul of mine that needs a burst of something to awaken it. Are you that person? Or is it still only her that can change my ways. It's as if I found someone to bring me back, only causing me to get more and more lost in this maze.
You share the same eyes, the same hair color, the same swagger when you walk. Im not one to believe that things happen for a reason but did you flash me that smile the other day for a reason? Did you come into my life at a time in which I needed reminded of what I once had and still yearned for? I would like to think in this case, that both of the above our true. But I remain discontent with the illusion of it all.
J.Cole says,"We all have angels, we all have demons," and I can relate to the latter. But I dont feel as though I have angels in the plural form of the word. I've met one angel since I've been on this earth and she's gone. She left along time ago. Still I carry her picture in my wallet as a mark of the one that got away. She was my angel, even though by definition she was anything but, but I didnt care. To me she was flawless. And you remind me of that person. Maybe on many different levels, but I can't tell you that. This is as close as I've came to even talking about this, and I can't even personalize it to the extent that my own enemies inside would betray when it came time to speak to you aloud.
I dont know what to do about this world. Sure life is about taking chances, and I've always created my own odds. Rejection is a natural of course, but still degrading to me. I take things personal, partly because to me alot of it matters. Most of it matters. The girl that you remind me of, matters. I'd like to think that you are version 2.0. The new one. Sent down from wherever new angels come from to save me. I'd still prefer the old one, but I've grown to accept that it may never exist like I want it to. So are you the next best thing? Or is still wrong of me to even think that way. I know it is after reading it, but in a world full of liars, I can only be truthful with myself. You are her, but you'll never be.
Disillusion of grander
When I see you, I see someone else. I compare you to that person, subconsciously already setting myself up for the probability of disappointment. What are my chances. Realistically its a 50/50 shot, but measures beyond my means never seem to throw the odds in my favor. Overshadowed by a roulette ball as it pings against each spot, trying to decide what number and color it wants to land on. It has no control, but it doesnt know that. It's just a ball. It doesnt have to feel the agony of defeat when approached with irreversable conditions.
If you were really her, I wouldn't be afraid, but I am. Afraid to tell you how beautiful you are to me. How that time when you smiled at me at work, made my day so much better, and better is rare these days. I dont know what it is about you, besides the fact that I originally perceived you as her. Part of me feels remorseably guilty about that, for which I know you deserve to be seen for you, and not someone else.
With a lack of spirituality and self righteousness, my analyzations overway any about of confidence I could muster to tell you, that I think about you. Not in this stalker sort of way that society has deemed upon us. Not in a way in which I follow your every facebook move. None of that even matters to me. What matters to me is your beauty. As shallow as that seems, its true. Not just your exterior, but what I can only imagine lies interior as well.
It's still not fair though. Because what I see in you only brings me closer to someone else. Brings back desires that I once had and realize they never left in the first place. They laid dormant under the cold soul of mine that needs a burst of something to awaken it. Are you that person? Or is it still only her that can change my ways. It's as if I found someone to bring me back, only causing me to get more and more lost in this maze.
You share the same eyes, the same hair color, the same swagger when you walk. Im not one to believe that things happen for a reason but did you flash me that smile the other day for a reason? Did you come into my life at a time in which I needed reminded of what I once had and still yearned for? I would like to think in this case, that both of the above our true. But I remain discontent with the illusion of it all.
J.Cole says,"We all have angels, we all have demons," and I can relate to the latter. But I dont feel as though I have angels in the plural form of the word. I've met one angel since I've been on this earth and she's gone. She left along time ago. Still I carry her picture in my wallet as a mark of the one that got away. She was my angel, even though by definition she was anything but, but I didnt care. To me she was flawless. And you remind me of that person. Maybe on many different levels, but I can't tell you that. This is as close as I've came to even talking about this, and I can't even personalize it to the extent that my own enemies inside would betray when it came time to speak to you aloud.
I dont know what to do about this world. Sure life is about taking chances, and I've always created my own odds. Rejection is a natural of course, but still degrading to me. I take things personal, partly because to me alot of it matters. Most of it matters. The girl that you remind me of, matters. I'd like to think that you are version 2.0. The new one. Sent down from wherever new angels come from to save me. I'd still prefer the old one, but I've grown to accept that it may never exist like I want it to. So are you the next best thing? Or is still wrong of me to even think that way. I know it is after reading it, but in a world full of liars, I can only be truthful with myself. You are her, but you'll never be.
Disillusion of grander
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