Destiny

Hey you, its me again.  I know its been awhile since we last spoke but I finally have the ability to write again.  Some sudden instant of Joy has overtaken me this past week.  Something I’m not that familiar with.  It’s kind of scary to be honest.  All this time, I’ve been afraid to be happy.  Because I know it could be ripped right away from me at any second.  But what was the point of that?  The stress only ate me up inside, and the fear.  Well the fear wasn’t something that I liked.  It wasn’t something I felt naturally, but it was something that was installed in me.  And yet, im still afraid, but for a different reason, a better reason.  The future is indeed scary.  But you can’t just run back to your past because it’s familiar.  I wasn’t about to.

They say if you’re not scared, then you’re not taking chances.  And if you’re not taking a chances, then what the hell are we doing?  What’s the point of living?  Well I guess being hurt so many times, it’s hard to put yourself out there.  But all you need is 10 seconds of courage, and in that 10 seconds, something magical can happen.  Even if it’s something as simple as asking a girl out via facebook.  It still takes confidence.  It takes courage.  It takes chance.  Who knows what the answer would be, who knows if it’ll even ever amount to anything, but at least you’ve rebuilt yourself back up enough to know that you can do it, if you have to.  You can find problems with every decision, but you cant let that stop you.  I wasn’t going to let it.  No matter how random the event seemed to either of us.  It was a chance, and I was taking it. 

And yes, it could have been trouble.  But maybe I wanted trouble.  I haven’t wanted the trouble in a long time, but with her, it didn’t seem so…troubling.  You see, you can’t talk yourself into falling in love.  It doesn’t take days of deliberation.  When its real, its real, and you’ll know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.  Because you see, being together can be hard.  Committing and making sacrifices can be hard.  But if it’s the right person.  Then its easy.  Looking at this girl and knowing she’s all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world.  And if its not like that, then she’s not the one.  That’s how you know she is…

And yet, I still don’t see what she sees in me.  I’ve always wanted for someone to be constantly amazed by the things I say, and entranced by the things I do.  Tell me that Im easy on the eyes.  I hope that if she does stay around long enough, ill finally be able to see myself in the way that she does.  But for now, her seeing me that way, is enough. 

I think in the end, all of our deepest fear is that we’ll wind up alone.  It was certainly mine, and I knew that was hers, even without her ever having to say a word.  And now, If I were to let a day go by without talking to her, that day just wouldn’t be a good day.  And ive had plenty of bad days, to realize that I only want to have good days from here on out.  And, I think for the most part, if you’re really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life will give it to you.  In time, of course, but I had almost lost hope, until her.   She came along, in a sense, as broken as I was.  Mending all repercussions of the past.  And that’s when I regained hope. Regained faith in something bigger than myself.  I should have never underestimated the power of destiny.  Because when you least expect it, the littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life, for ever.  Her name was synonymous with happiness.

Destiny